The Purposeful Wife

Are You Hiding?

2012-02-27T06:00:00.000-05:00

Last Monday morning I awoke to complete disarray. Dishes piled high, unfolded clean laundry towering in baskets around my washing machine and drier, the weekend's clutter strewn across tables and couches and floor. The picture was stifling, it made me feel claustrophobic.

I'd love to tell you that I stuffed the overwhelming discouragement deep down, put on my cape and conquered the mess like Superwoman... but that was not the case. After my husband headed out the door and the baby was fed, I took the baby and dove under the covers. Two hours later, I awoke to a headache and the same mess.

The rest of the day was spent trying very hard to get on top of things, but it was too little too late. At its end, I was still feeling miserable and overwhelmed. Shutting down under the pressure, I spent the rest of the evening snuggling with S and feeling lousy. On Tuesday I started early, worked hard all day, and finally managed to catch up.

Sometimes the mess is stifling. Sometimes as busy moms trying to keep every plate spinning, we send a few crashing to the floor. It is easy to cower and "hide" when that happens; in bed, a novel, in front of the t.v or computer screen... unfortunately hiding only makes us feel worse, and leaves us less time to actually confront the problem.

When you find yourself feeling this way, stop and take a deep breath. Take a few minutes to pray; seeking the Lord's comfort and strength, and the proper zeal and motivation to tackle your troubles. And then get to work. At the end of the day, even when you might feel defeated by the mess that still surrounds you, ask God for "grace to live with the undone," as my mother would say.

The truth is, we aren't Superwoman. We will have days of defeat and discouragement. Yet all the Lord asks is that we do our best, loving Him and others and working hard.

"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."
Galatians 6:9 (ESV)

Just keep swimming girls :).

Purposeful Perusals, 4th Edition

2012-02-25T06:00:00.000-05:00

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Free Audio Books Online- This week I was thrilled to find Librivox, a site that has recorded hundreds of public domain works for free online listening. Perfect and productive background noise for your mindless chores. I've personally been enjoying Jane Austen's Mansfield Park, an old favorite, while ironing and cooking this week.

Queen of the Castle- How queenly is your treatment of your king, er, I mean, husband? Join the Domestibabe as she cleverly shares pointers on creating a warm and welcoming fortress for the nobleman in your life ;).

A Tax Write Off- Are you a breastfeeding mama? Did you know that the cost of your breastfeeding supplies are tax-deductible? Head on over to the Birth Bug to read all about it!

Purposeful Easter Celebrations- Jessalyn Hutto of Desiring Virtue shares lovely pictures and simple explanations of the beautiful ways her family celebrates the Resurrection. I was encouraged to pursue Christ-exalting traditions in my own home as my daughter grows up and more children join the mix.

February Goal Update

2012-02-24T08:46:00.001-05:00

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Checking in with 3in30 today to report how I've tracked with February's three goals.

Goal #1: Read six books. I am a bit behind. I've finished Damsel's in Distress, Real Marriage, and Organized Simplicity (click to read my reviews). The Office of Assertion is about half way done, The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe is not begun (it is my treat for when I'm done with the others), and though I've been reading Knowing God, I have a feeling this is the one book I might not finish. The first half of the month I must confess was lazily spent browsing the internet instead of reading. I'm trying to discipline myself in this area, and hope to do much better next month!

Goal #2: Organize the office. If you haven't seen my before pics, please take a look! It might encourage you to know that you aren't as big of a slob :). Praise the Lord, it is finished! I'll post pics soon. The only trouble is all of the stuff we purged for an upcoming garage sale is now sitting in piles in my guest bedroom. I'm going to be devoting my 15 minutes a day for the rest of the month to pricing items and packing them neatly away in stacked boxes :).

Goal #3: Develop a morning routine. This goal has majorly flopped. I want to do so much in the morning; exercise, shower, read and memorize Scripture, blog... yet I'm finding myself still in pajamas at noon a lot of days. Is it impossible to have most of this done and be dressed by nine??? We shall see....

How are you doing on your goals this month?

Book Review: Damsels in Distress

2012-02-24T08:31:00.001-05:00

I must confess, the title of this book almost made me not read it (personally I think it's a tad cheesy). Yet I know that Martha Peace is an excellent writer and source of Biblical wisdom, and I was given the book on the recommendation of a very reliable friend, so read it I did.

I was not disappointed. What I love about Martha Peace is that she doesn't write fluff. It is surprisingly difficult to find a book for Christian women without fluff! With Martha it is just straight up Biblical truth with helpful real life examples. Very refreshing!

Damsels in Distress draws from Martha Peace's years of Biblical counseling to address the issues women commonly face. She covers gossip, idolatrous emotional attachments, manipulation, hurt feelings, vanity, PMS, legalism, feminism, the role of women in the church, and trials. All of the information was drawn directly from Scripture and communicated clearly and concisely.

At about 180 pages, it is a thinner book and an easy read, but certainly one I will be referring back to as I deal with these struggles in my own life and come across them in the lives of women the Lord places in my path. I highly recommend it! If you enjoyed The Excellent Wife, please pick up Damsels in Distress. And if you haven't read The Excellent Wife, please make that your next read! It is a valuable volume for every Christian wife.

Book Review: Organized Simplicity

2012-02-24T08:20:00.000-05:00

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I had been eye-balling Tsh Oxenreider's book Organized Simplicity: The Clutter Free Approach to Intentional Living for sometime, so when I found the Kindle version for free through Money Saving Mom, I jumped on it! Tsh's blog Simple Mom is an excellent resource, and everyone I know who had read the book found it very helpful. I only regret that I didn't have a physical copy, the lovely pictures must be much nicer in color :).

The first half of the book brings us back to the basics of simple living; what it is, why we want it, and the first baby steps we must take to get there. The second half is the more nitty-gritty, tackling your home in ten days how to guide.

I love Tsh's definition of simple living- living holistically with your life's purpose. When your spiritual, relational, emotional, intellectual, physical and financial lives are all working together in the framework of your life's purpose, peace and simplicity are the result. I'd thought about decluttering as a peacemaker before, but I'd never looked at it through the lense of making the things I own (and don't own) reflective of my life purpose.

Readers are encouraged to sit down with their spouse and together determine a family purpose statement. While Niall and I don't feel the need to write and frame such a statement (we know what we are about and are constantly trying to order our life around it, and communicating on this subject), it was helpful for me to think of my home in terms of what it is ultimately for in the larger scheme of things.

We want all things in our life to glorify God, and home needs to be a haven where we can pursue the spiritual disciplines of prayer, Scripture reading, and family devotions. We also want to use our home for God's glory through hospitality, so it needs to be comfortable, clean and inviting. I was encouraged, because I do believe our main space communicates this. No television, just big comfy couches, a cozy fire place, and open space.

Reading through Tsh's ten days of home organization was helpful, her deep cleaning suggestions are especially handy. With my daughter's demanding feeding schedule (every 2-3 hours), I can't exactly follow it in this season of life. But 15 minutes a day, one room a month is really working for me, so I will follow Tsh's suggestions on my own more flexible timetable.

The main gist is that you must ask yourself two questions about every item in your home: 1) Is it useful, and 2) Is it beautiful? I thought they were pretty good questions. The more I purge of my belongings by asking them, the more I inevitably decide to get rid of stuff that I'd previously wanted to hang on to. Cool! Less is definitely more.

Also cool was the recipes for homemade, non-toxic cleaners included in the appendix. I've definitely felt the need to clean only while my baby is sleeping, fearing the harm harsh chemicals could do to my baby's compromised lungs. Tsh points out that when you are using safe cleaners, little ones can be involved without harm. I love this!

Organized Simplicity was a very helpful read, and I think it could especially benefit people longing for a simpler life who feel overwhelmed and just need help to get started. This isn't just a decluttering guide, it is a rich and well constructed approach to creating a meaningful life. You will also be delighted by the lovely quotes at the start of each chapter. I know I was :).

MYO Bread Machine Bagels

2012-02-23T11:41:00.001-05:00

My bagels, a trifle ugly, but extremely delicious!

I don't know about you, but bagels are one of my favorite things. The past few Saturday mornings have found me rushing to local bakeries to buy one for me, and one for my beloved. It occurred to me that perhaps it might be cheaper to make my own.

So I pulled out my favorite kitchen appliance and did a Google search. This was the recipe I found. As I read it, I became nervous over the complicated process. You boil bagels? Really? What if they turned out soggy and gross? I decided to save the recipe for a less busy day, since it seemed a bit involved of a process.

The intended day came, and I did it. And you know, it turns out making bagels is a lot of fun! It wasn't too difficult, and the boiling part was rather fast paced. They puff up and become giant in the water. Mine turned out a bit ugly, and as my husband wisely said, I have a ways to go in perfecting them. But they were really tasty (we both thought so!).

Every morning this week as we've had them for breakfast, I've thought they taste just like bakery bought bagels, and when spread with butter or cream cheese they look the same too. And I've had a little surge of delight that I made them all by myself :). Well, at least with the help of my handy bread machine.

Go ahead and give them a try! I will definitely be making another batch this weekend, before my inevitable bagel craving kicks in :). My husband loves onion and everything bagels (yuck!), so he hopes I can figure out a way to top the bagels in these varieties. Any ideas on how it can be done ladies?

Happy bagel making!

Helping Your Friend With a Baby in the NICU

2012-02-22T12:02:00.001-05:00

*I haven't written on preemies in ages, what with out "Close Knit Marriage" focus for this month. However now that Valentine's Day is past I think I'll return to it...*

A friend of a friend made this adorable headband to fit S while still a 3 pounder in the hospital.

When a close friend or family member is in the midst of a trial that you've never experienced personally, it can be difficult to know how to help them through. We fumble in the dark for the right words, and do our best to meet any needs we observe, but for the most part we are guessing. It can be helpful when someone who's been there before tells us what our friend might need physically or emotionally. In light of this fact, I thought I'd share ways you can encourage your friend who's baby is hospitalized.

1. Be there. This goes with most trials, sometimes your presence is the greatest comfort of all. I'll never forget how our dear friend Jen rushed to the hospital as soon as she heard I was going for an emergency C-section. She stayed in the waiting room for two hours, not knowing if she'd even see us or if she could be of use. Sure enough when Niall came out after I'd woken up and before we could visit the baby, Jen was there to keep him company while he ate some dinner. She then moved all of the stuff from my old room to my recovery room, freeing Niall to be with me and the baby. What a blessing!

2. Listen. Again, this is something a friend will appreciate in any trial. Don't tell your friend how lucky she is that her baby is okay; she knows it and is glad, but is still grieving the difficult arrival and missing out on a fun and normal full term pregnancy and delivery. Let her talk, and speak affirming words as it is appropriate. It will be good for her to hear that you think she is a good mommy (for pumping milk and spending hours at baby's bedside), because she might not feel like a real mom yet. Also, please don't ask if her baby is going to make it, or how soon before the baby is "out of the water." She probably doesn't really know, and it is a reality she'd rather not dwell on unless absolutely necessary. This can add to her stress and pain.

Another friend gave us this Strawberry hat and booties, preemie size :).

3. Meet pressing needs. If you have the financial capability and desire to do so, gifts of money can be very helpful. Praise God, we had excellent health insurance and only had to pay a small deductible for S, but her hospital bills were well over $132,000! If someone is uninsured or has poor quality health insurance, they might have a real serious need for funds. Also, spending long days in the hospital makes cooking difficult, so meals can be a great blessing. This is another area that made me so grateful for the godly and generous friends the Lord has given us! Different friends brought meals for weeks, as well as giving gift cards and money specifically for quick dinners. Gas cards can be handy too if your friend lives far from the hospital.

4. Give fun or helpful gifts. Maybe a cute preemie outfit will encourage and excite your friend (any baby gift could bring a little joy at the expectation of bringing baby home). Books on prematurity can also be useful. When I was reading books about preemies, I felt like I was actually doing something to help her! Books I found to be particularly interesting or helpful include, The Premature Baby Book by Dr. Sears, The Preemie Primer by Dr. Jen Gunter (an OB and mom to preemie triplets), 124 NICU Days by Ryan Rhodes, and A Love that Multiplies by the Duggars.

Helpful Resources

5. Help her escape. Long hours in the hospital can be very draining after several weeks. As long as your friends baby is stable, grab her for a coffee date or a quick bite to eat. Before S came so early, my friend Amy and I had planned to go garage sailing some Saturday. These plans were thwarted by bed rest, but a few weeks after S's birth, she encouraged me to join her one sunny weekend. It was my first time anywhere but the hospital or home in about a month, so how good it felt to grab some coffee from Dunkin and get out with a good friend! She may feel guilty about leaving baby's bedside, but a few hours here and there are essential to mental health and regaining a sense of normalcy.

6. Pray, and ask everyone you know to pray. I am still encouraged when I meet someone for the first time and they recognize my name instantly. "Oh, we were praying for your little girl!" The prayers of the universal Church on our behalf were a HUGE blessing to Niall and I through our ordeal. Your friend will be encouraged by God's grace through His people. Let her know you are praying.

Those of you who've been here before, what would you add to the list?

No Excuse for Boredom

2012-02-21T06:00:00.000-05:00

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Before I was a mom, I remember sharing my longing to be a full-time homemaker with a young mom friend. "Just wait," she warned dramatically, "After the first month, you will be so bored! You can only clean so much." I didn't think I really would be (when you are an exhausted from working outside the home 40+ hours a week, and trying to cook and clean on the side you can think of many things you'd like to do but just don't have time for!), but what did I know? Maybe she was right.

Well, I've been on lockdown with my daughter since she came home in September, and I have yet to be bored. On the contrary, I've found that there is way more to do than can ever be done! I've come to the conclusion that boredom is an attitude. If it's an attitude you've adopted, I want to encourage you today to forsake it.

I understand that many of you ladies find yourself in the too much to do, too little time boat with me, especially if you have more than one child. But for those who are finding themselves bored and discouraged:

Forsake boredom for your family. If you are bored, try to find ways to better meet the needs of your family. Spend more time reading and playing with your sweet baby! Try cooking something new and fancy that your husband might enjoy. There is a wealth of recipes at your fingertips online! Instead of sinfully standing idly by, get up and ask the Lord for wisdom to know how you can better serve your family.

Forsake boredom for your home. Is your home truly in perfect order? Could it stand a bit more careful organization, a deep cleaning, or some loving touches of decoration? Have you made it into a haven of delight to shelter and comfort the ones you love most?

Forsake boredom for personal growth. If you are bored, it would be an excellent time to pick up a challenging book or a new craft or hobby that could bless others. Become an expert on nutrition, or childhood development, or starting a home business.

Forsake boredom for His Kingdom. Have you been spending adequate time studying the Word? In prayer? Memorizing Scripture? Is there a younger woman in your church you could have over and encourage? An older widower you could cook or bake something for? A Bible study to join? If you are stuck at home without a car, you can always call and encourage other believers or write notes to bless them.

I want to end by encouraging you with several scriptures:

"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish but understand what the will of the Lord is." Ephesians 5:15-17

"So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12

"She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness." Proverbs 31:27

"Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might, for there is no work or thought or knowledge or wisdom in Sheol, to which you are going." Ecclesiastes 9:10

"Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord." Romans 12:11

Forsake boredom, and zealously pursue a joyful and fruitful life in the Lord!

Easy Chicken Meals on the Fly

2012-02-20T06:00:00.000-05:00

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I have a solution for you that will make dinner much easier the next time you have "one of those days." You know, when everyone is starving and cranky and you need dinner NOW. Are you ready for it?

The next time you cook a chicken, or buy a rotisserie, or bake chicken breasts, chop up the leftovers and freeze in 1 cup portions. I like to freeze as many bags as I can come up with, because they are so handy!

Then, the next day you know its going to be a doozy by dinner time, take out a bag and either thaw in the fridge, or in a bowl of water if you need it faster.

Now here is the list of meals I've come up with that use said cup of chicken:

1) Pizza- Take either a store bought crust or homemade (I do mine in the bread machine, my favorite appliance EVER), lather with red sauce and cheese, and throw the meat on top. For hot wing pizza (my husbands favorite), drench chicken in hot sauce, spread over the plain crust, and put mozarella on top.

2) Pasta- Cook whatever noodles you have on hand, add chicken, and decide on a variety of sauce options. If you have a jar of red or white, go for it! Or you can toss in olive oil and add a simple favorite seasoning. The simplest option of all may be salt and butter, topped with a shredded cheese or even jarred parm.

3) Salad- Chop up some quick veggies and top with chicken and your favorite dressing.

4) A Sandwich- While this isn't an option for a family dinner, every once in awhile when my husband is running late and I have to find something quick to send with him for lunch, I'll defrost a bag of chicken, and add mayo. Voila, chicken sandwich!

5) Soup- I shared my recipe for Chicken (or Turkey) noodle soup here, and it is a great use for your cup of meat. Done in 15 minutes or less!

6) Couscous- Couscous is a brilliant grain because it takes only 5 minutes to make! There are several yummy ideas you can try. Mexican couscous: Add a can of black beans, some frozen corn, a tsp of cumin, and a dollop of salsa or some cheddar. Whatever you like/have on hand! This is good with or without chicken, I like to make it when I'm out of meat and need something with protein quick. Simple: Add your favorite green vegetable (I use either frozen broccoli florets or snow peas) to the couscous, some butter and salt, and sliced almonds (optional), mix with chicken.

7) Casserole- This is a bit more time consuming, but you can add your pre-cooked chicken to a favorite casserole and bake. Think chicken and rice, macaroni, pot pie, etc.

8) Stir fry- Cook a bag of frozen veggies, add chicken, stir in some teriyaki, squeeze a little lemon juice, add freshly grated pepper, and serve over rice.

This is my quick reference list! Can you think of any good ideas to add?

Purposeful Perusals, 3rd Edition

2012-02-18T06:00:00.000-05:00

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Divided Movie- I normally post things to read, but this documentary is a MUST see for all Christian families. You can watch the film for free (it just requires you to sign up for a newsletter, we signed up a month ago and have yet to receive anything, no biggie) on the site. Although I must warn you some of it is cheesy, the information presented is excellent. A young man explores the question, "Why are youth leaving the church?"

Establish a Family Service Night- Speaking of the importance of family in ministry, Lindsay Edmonds at Passionate Homemaking has a great list of ideas for ministering to others in your community as a family. Very refreshing concept, and good especially for families with small children.

Blog of the week: All That is Good. Trina Holden's blog has just gotten a new look, and it is very pretty :). Trina is the ultimate DIY, gardening, whole foods and everything natural woman. Be prepared to be intrigued by tipi tales and lessons she learned on the homestead (oh yes, she did live in a tipi!).

Book Review: Real Marriage

2012-02-17T06:00:00.001-05:00

I have been really quite intimidated to write my review of Mark and Grace Driscoll's Real Marriage. Since it came out in January I've seen it everywhere, and everywhere it goes it seems to be creating a stir. So, for whatever it's worth, here are my thoughts.

I am encouraged. The Driscolls had a lot of obstacles in the way of developing a happy, healthy marriage. Personal sin, past hurts, and difficulty in relating to one another kept them miserable and distant for a very long time. And yet God in His grace was merciful to bring them to repentance, restoration, and rejoicing. Their testimony screams, "Where sin abounded, grace abounded all the more." And that is very encouraging. Wherever your marriage is, there is hope for improvement. The Driscolls found that hope in Christ, and it is to Christ that they point you.

I am challenged. Am I asking my husband if he thinks I am submissive, respectful, and loving? Mark and Grace tell us to ask our spouses how we are doing, because if my husband doesn't feel respected, then clearly I need to improve. Sometimes our own perceptions of how we treat our spouse are tainted, and I've found that respect can mean something totally different to a man than it does to a woman. This is excellent advice.

I am impressed. Pastor Mark's analysis of our tendency to treat sex as either gross or god was right on. Rather, it is a gift from a loving God. When we treat it as god, we are sinning. When we treat it as gross, we are also sinning. I appreciated the call to be a servant lover and not a selfish lover.

I am skeptical. Chapter 10 is the controversial chapter in which Mark and Grace discuss what married couples can and cannot do when it comes to sex. To be fair to the Driscolls, I think they were trying to carefully examine the Scriptures and make Biblically informed calls where Scripture is silent. That being said, some of the conclusions they come to in this chapter I strongly disagree with. I debated going into specifics here and chose to refrain, as it is not the type of content I want on this blog :). I recommend reading with caution and discernment. A review that I found helpful specifically concerning chapter 10 can be read here.

Parts of this book are helpful. Other parts maybe not so much. Whenever you read any book you must mentally engage and use your discernment. It is important to remember that no human being is infallible, and the only inerrant book is the Bible. Even though Mark Driscoll is right on about many things, he is not without weak spots.

For example, as a reformed Christian committed to the Lord's Day as the Christian Sabbath, I was disappointed with Pastor Mark writing off the fourth commandment as the only one of the ten no longer applicable today. It bothered me when he talked about "sabbathing" with your spouse as simply resting and relaxing, when that was only half of the Lord's design (Sabbath= rest+worship). This was a very minor component of his book, yet because of its importance to me personally, stuck with me as an irritant. I know that I am on a rabbit trail now, so maybe we can save this topic for another time :).

Read with discretion and wisdom. I think some critics of this book have been too harsh, and others too accepting. There is definitely good to be reaped from it. That's my two cents :).

Do I Love My Husband?

2012-02-16T06:00:00.000-05:00

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All of this writing and talking and thinking about love and marriage has birthed a question in my mind: Do I love my husband?

Certainly I love him; I married him, I enjoy him, I love who he is and just being with him. But if love is an action word, how am I doing at loving him in the nitty-gritty aspects of our life?

In the quiet of my mind I looked up hesitantly at this giant of a question. Embarrassed, unsure if I really wanted to examine... and the answer stared back down at me. I am still so selfish, so very unloving.

Timeliness matters to my husband, starting family devotions right at eight. I know this... but I still selfishly try to cram as much as I can get done into the last few minutes and always cause us to start late. I didn't love him.

My husband is encouraged to faithfulness in early morning devotions when I get up at the same time as him. Yet each day this week I've snuggled deeper under the covers, letting him face the cold early hour alone, fighting sleepiness more bravely than I. I've lingered where he wants to linger and rushed out of bed at the last possible minute, adding stress to both of our mornings. I haven't loved him.

When the little thought nagged me from the back of my head that I should take care of something he normally does just to lighten his load, I suppressed it and went back to what I wanted to do. I've listened and let the baby fuss, waiting for him to put down his work so that I didn't have to put down mine. I've failed to prioritize the things he's asked me to prioritize. This is not love.

I've nagged and complained and dumped, adding burdens to the back already weighed down with family cares.

This week I am forcing myself to stop pushing the little voice down, and to actually listen and act on its instructions. To be ready and waiting a few minutes before eight each night. To rise with him when the alarm goes off (for Pete's sake, I can get back in bed for a nap later, unlike him!). To willingly and joyfully put his needs and desires first.

It is hard, because I am selfish and love self more than I love him.

So I must ask you dear reader,

Do you love your husband?

Linked Up With: Proverbs 31 Thursday and Hearts 4 Home.

Close Knit Couples Have Fun

2012-02-15T06:00:00.000-05:00

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As we've covered the different elements of a close knit marriage; local church involvement, reading, prayer, communication, and filling Biblical roles; I would be remiss if I failed to mention this important point: close knit couples have fun together.

In all of your labors both physical and spiritual, make sure to incorporate times for relaxation and fun. Play games, watch movies, go for a walk, get out to eat, see a play, laugh together. Share that amusing YouTube video that you found today with your husband. Incorporate fun traditions into your family life that you both relish celebrating together. Do something out of the ordinary like hitting up a local carnival, or visiting a random museum or tourist attraction.

In our house we CELEBRATE the weekends!!! Friday mornings I try to make something fun and extra delicious for breakfast. When Niall comes home from work that night it is time for homemade pizza and a movie. On snow days we like to stay in our pajamas and have cinnamon rolls and drink tea in bed.

The first year after we got married Niall and I performed in our community's Shakespeare in the park together. It was a big time commitment and kept us super busy, but it was fun because we were doing something we both loved together.

What interests do you and your husband share? How can you invest in these interests together? Be creative and find ways to have a good time together!

Are there things that your husband enjoys which are not your cup of tea? Muster up your best attitude and watch that football game with him, or go fishing, or whatever. My husband is obsessed with shooting. I did once venture to the range with him to give his pistol a try. It wasn't my favorite thing to do, and to my chagrin I must confess that I haven't gone since. *Honey, I know you are reading this, so please try to contain your excitement and refrain from rubbing it in :)* As a loving wife I need to get out there with him again and learn to enjoy the things that he enjoys with him.

Which of your husbands interests appeal to you least? And how can you participate in them with a cheerful attitude?

So now I am curious to hear from you. How do you and your husband have a good time together? Please share :)!

Linked Up With: Women Living Well, Raising Homemakers, and Encourage One Another.

Close Knit Couples Fill their Roles

2012-02-14T07:50:00.000-05:00

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"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her by the washing of water with the word...in the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies...However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." Ephesians 5:22-33.

The first wife ever created was Eve, and the purpose for which she was created was to be a helper to her husband, a companion, because it was not good for man to be alone. Part of the curse that resulted from the fall of man into sin was that the wife would desire to usurp and manipulate her husband and his authority. I am sorry to say that every woman ever since Eve has struggled with God's command to submit.

God has specifically called YOU to be the wife of your husband. We read in Proverbs 12:4 that "An excellent wife is the crown of her husband," while quarrelsome and nagging wives bring shame, strife and misery (it is better to live in a desert or the corner of a house top than with a nag). You and only you can be your husband's wife, you alone are equipped to bless him by excelling in this area. You must fill your role.

What is the role of a godly wife?

1) A godly wife submits. As seen in Ephesians 5, and also 1 Peter 3, God has called women to submit (obey, follow, respect) to their husbands. This is SO hard. Maybe you don't think you struggle with this. But you do. I didn't even think about submission my first year of marriage. "Sure, I submit to Niall," I thought. "I usually agree with him and we get along okay." But I harbored ungodly attitudes of wanting things my way, and thinking that my thoughts and ideas were superior. When my husband made a decision for our family, inwardly I rebelled. This is still a daily struggle. How is your attitude? I love what Elizabeth George says; at all times we are either yielding or bucking. Are you gracious and submissive in your heart of hearts? Your words? Your actions?

2) A godly wife respects. This is another tricky area that you might think you have down. I dare you to follow the advice of Mark and Grace Driscoll, and ask your husband, "Am I respectful to you?" Sometimes we disrespect our husband with our speech. Telling your friends about what stupid or frustrating thing he did, or what he does that bothers you, is disrespectful. Behaving rudely and correcting harshly or unnecessarily is disrespectful. If you wouldn't treat your pastor, or your boss, or a professor in this way, then you certainly should not treat the most important man in your life this way either.

3) A godly wife helps. Again I must share Elizabeth George's wisdom with you :). At all times you are either being a help or a hindrance to your husband. As you go about your day making choices concerning what you will do, how you will respond, ask yourself, "Will this help or hinder my husband?"

It's a tough calling. Loving, submitting to, respecting and helping one sinful man as a sinful woman is no simple task. Praise God, we have an excellent example of submission who equips us for our calling! Christ "became obedient, even to death on a cross," out of love for us and in submission to His Father. As you strive for submission to your husband in your own life, look to Christ and be encouraged. And fill your role.

Linked Up With: Titus 2sday, Teach Me Tuesday, and Gratituesday.

Close Knit Couples Communicate

2012-02-13T15:39:00.000-05:00

Photo Credit

Whatever book you pick up on marriage, whatever marriage conference or retreat you attend, whoever you seek for marriage counsel- one key topic is bound to come up: communication. Communication (or the lack of it) can make you or break you as a couple. Nothing has the potential to affect your relationship with your spouse as much as the words you do or do not say to each other. While I am no expert on the topic and this list is not comprehensive, here are some things to keep in mind as you communicate with your honey:

Time- Having good conversations and keeping open lines of communication takes time. Lots of it! Take time throughout your day to speak with each other; at the breakfast table, calls and texts sprinkled through the day when you are apart, at dinner, and in bed at the end of the day. And make sure to set aside times in the evenings and weekends to get out or stay in together, for the purpose of communicating, enjoying one anothers' company, and getting on the same page.

Timeliness-Knowing when to say things is of the utmost importance in healthy communication. For example, last week when Niall came home after work and was discouraged about something that had happened that day, it was not a good time for me to knit pick him for not hearing something I'd just said. Yeah, timeliness is not my strong suit. I've heard several women say that when your husband comes home, give him time and space to unwind before you start yacking away. It is tempting when you're alone with little people who don't speak proper English all day to just unload on the one adult in your life when he walks through the door. But be patient. Also, read his moods. If he is already down, don't add to his burdens by unloading your grievances.

Tenderness- "A soft answer turns away wrath," goes the Proverb, and it is very true. This is another difficult area for me. I have a sharp tongue. I am quick to get frustrated and speak unkindly. A passage that has been convicting to me recently is Ephesians 4:1-3; "I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." Good communication words; humility, gentleness, patience, love, unity, peace. Soak it in to your speech.

Truth- God's Word teaches us to "speak the truth in love." This should go without saying, but we MUST be HONEST with our husbands (no secrets). We also must be careful to kindly address sin we observe in our spouse (don't forget timeliness and tenderness when so doing!), and graciously and respectfully explain frustrations we may feel (not letting them build, causing bitterness or an explosion). Note, all in love.

Thoroughness- As married couples we need to discuss everything; finances, church, our days, work, parenting, extended family and friendships, the car, Scripture, what we're reading, etc. Cover all the bases with the man in your life. You should know what he thinks on all important topics (and on a lot of the less important things too). Healthy friendship and marriage thrives on broad and deep conversation.

What tips do you have to add to the list, married ladies? Bonus points if they start with a "T" ;).

Purposeful Perusals, 2nd Edition

2012-02-10T22:58:00.000-05:00

Photo Credit

Things You Should Never Tell Your Husband- What??? But Rachel, you are supposed to tell your husband everything! Yes, I know dear reader. Head to the Domestibabe's blog anyway to read this humorous and helpful post :). You will understand.

Tips for a Quiet Time in a Crazy Life- I loved this post on The Better Mom. Not only was I given new insight on how to put the Lord first each day, I was encouraged to meditate on His Word and pray throughout the day in practical and memorable ways. Every mom (ok, everybody) will benefit from this.

Book Ideas for February-If you're looking for a new good read, head on over to see Lacey Wilcox's four suggestions (marriage and parenting related). She has excellent taste!

Blog of the Week: Amy of Making a Joyful Home is such an encouragement to me. Her story of leaving work to be a homemaker (even though she does not yet have children yet) to better fulfill the Titus 2:3-5 passage is truly inspiring. Read and be encouraged.

The Cost of Procrastination

2012-02-10T17:22:00.000-05:00

Just wanted to share, I've got a guest post up at Money Saving Mom today :). It is about what procrastination can cost you. Head on over to Money Saving Mom to check it out!

Photo Credit

The Story of Niall and I

2012-02-09T09:43:00.000-05:00

June 28th, 2008

Today I thought I'd take another brief respite from our Close Knit Marriage series and share the story of how my husband and I met and ended up married :). It is the month in which we celebrate romantic love after all.

In the fall of 2006, I transferred from a small Bible school in New York state to Baptist Bible College of Clark Summit, PA. It was my junior year. I knew a handful of people that attended BBC, which helped me to feel a little less awkward about being the new kid. I auditioned for a small choral group in the first few days after my arrival, and was thrilled to be accepted.

Our Choir, The Chamber Singers

The first day of choir practice I nervously found my way to the basement of "Buckingham" (the music building). I was the third person to arrive. As people slowly filtered in, one young man attempted to get my attention. "Are you Vandalen?" He asked.

This will forever embarrass me. Because Niall has a stray eye, and because I had no idea what "Vandalen" meant, I did not know that he was talking to me. It took me a minute to realize it was in fact me that he was addressing, and all I could offer back was a confused,"What?' and wary look. Turns out the sister of his R.D was a member of the choir, and their last name was Vandalen. But I digress.

As the practice began and introductions were made, someone elbowed Niall and obnoxiously said, "Tell everyone where you're from!" He made a face and responded, "Jamaica!" Everyone laughed.

"Hmm," I thought. "I've never seen a red-headed Jamaican. Maybe he was an MK?" Silly gullible me. Niall happens to be a big joker, and to this day can pull the wool over my eyes with very little trouble. In reality Niall is from Ireland, but he hated being singled out for this fact and just wanted to blend in. This means that my Irish husband sounds very American, and you would never know he was foreign, because he hates the attention and silly questions people ask when they find out where he is from. Again I digress.

Some of our "mutual" friends

As I went about my business of attending chapels and meals and classes over the course of the next few weeks, I noticed that Niall and I had a lot of common friends. Or so I thought... there I go being naive again. Everywhere I went, he was there, or showed up shortly after. A lot of my guy friends were in the same dorm as him though, so I thought nothing of it.

I also noticed that I really enjoyed Niall's company. Oftentimes after dinner a group of us would stay at the table, drinking tea (a favorite pastime for both of us) and having lively discussions on everything from theology to politics to music. Niall had firm convictions, and was not afraid to share them, even when those convictions made him unpopular. I admired his boldness, and was greatly challenged in my thinking.

Not long after this I began to realize that Niall showing up everywhere I was might be an indicator of greater interest than what I'd initially assumed. I wasn't sure how I felt about that, but he was a great guy and I did enjoy his company. One Sunday afternoon as we sat by the pond (famous on campus as a "couple" spot) he expressed interest in getting to know me better. And then we began the several month period of acting like a couple but denying the fact that we were dating :). To the great amusement and annoyance of all of our friends.

Early days on a choir trip

In January Niall officially called my Father and asked permission to date me. To clarify, I know a lot of people get hung up on the word "dating" and prefer "courtship." Personally, I don't care what you call it, as long as you are honoring the Lord in your relationship. Neither of us had a car, so if we went off campus it was always in a group. On campus students weren't allowed to touch members of the opposite sex, so we basically spent a lot of time walking and talking. This was great as it allowed us to focus on the essentials, and not just physical contact. We were able to discuss what we believed and why, on theology, parenting, the Church, marriage, and life in general.

School's Spring Banquet with friends, '07

After a rough patch in the late summer of 07, Niall realized that he did want to marry me after all :). He proposed that fall, and in June 2008 we married, a month after graduating college.

Lessons I learned from this experience? True love is not an emotional high of romantic feeling. How did I know that Niall was the one? Whenever I wondered, I would assess on paper his character, and the things that made us compatible. I found that he loved God and wanted to serve Him, was growing in his relationship to the Lord, and that we were in agreement theologically. He was a hard worker (very important to me as I wanted a man who would faithfully provide for his family) and was spoken well of by those who he worked for and who knew him best. He loved his family and had good relationships with them. They liked me for Niall, and I liked them for in-laws. I got along great with his friends, and he got along great with mine, which indicated that we could be good friends (and we were!). We agreed upon what was important in a church and attended the same one together regularly. I wanted to be a stay at home mom who nurtured her children and husband, and he highly valued this desire of mine. In short, it was a logical decision based on righteous priorities. And marriage has been wonderful for us because of the solid foundation we began on.

Happy to be engaged!

Close Knit Couples Pray Together

2012-02-08T08:28:00.001-05:00


Photo By Kevin Rawlings

I’m sureyou’ve heard the clichés before; “A couple that prays together stays together.”“It is hard to stay mad at someone you are praying for.” And so they go. Whenmy husband met Ian Paisley (the controversial preacher and politician ofNorthern Ireland) a few months before our wedding, he asked the Reverend formarital advice. His top piece of wisdom? “Every morning when you get out ofbed, get down on your knees and pray with your wife, and let the first wordsthat your eyes see be the Word of God.” Although we may not agree with Mr.Paisley on everything, that is some pretty excellent advice.

If the Biblecommands us to “pray without ceasing,” “in every place,” and assures us thatwhere two or three are gathered, Christ is in the midst of us, don’t you thinkour Heavenly Father envisioned husbands and wives praying together? The clichésI referenced have become clichés with good reason, and deserve our earnestapplication, because they are true. Here are some of the benefits of praying asa couple:

1. Prayer opens communication- Niall and I have found that as we spend time in prayer together(each morning and evening), we spend more time just chatting with each otherbefore and after. Some of our best conversations come after times of prayer. Ifwe’ve prayed and gotten our hearts right with the Lord, we are free tocommunicate honestly, humbly and lovingly with one another.

2. Prayer makes us vulnerable- When you speak to God, you are baring your heart, soul andmind to the Creator who sees and knows all. Sitting with our spouse as they dothis and we do eliminates barriers that might exist in regular speaking witheach other. Being vulnerable and open with your spouse is essential to buildingtrust and affection.

3. Prayer is a reflection of what is in our heart of hearts- This builds on point two. Are youwondering what’s on your husband’s mind? Pray with him and find out, as youlisten to him sharing it with the Lord. Do you wish he had a window into yoursoul? Again, prayer can be that window for your husband.

4. Prayer unites us to God and each other- As we seek the Lord, we are drawing near to Him. Iftwo people are drawing near to God, they are simultaneously drawing nearer toone another as well.

5. Prayer focuses our priorities- Our relationship with God must always be our firstpriority in life. When we put the Lord first as a couple by setting apartspecific time for prayer together, we are saying that God matters the most inour marriage. The Lord will honor a couple who makes this commitment.

6. Prayer sanctifies us- Have you ever allowed your sin tocloud your relationship with God throughout the day? I am ashamed to admit thisis the case with me all too often. When I sit down with Niall at the end of theday for prayer, many times I’ve said, “Honey, why don’t just you pray tonight.”This really means, “Honey, I’m not right with the Lord and don’t think I cantalk to Him right now.” Fortunately my husband is wise enough to understand.His gentle prodding helps me to repent and restore my relationship to the Lordthrough audible prayer. The Lord has used my husband as a tool forsanctification in my life through prayer.

I urge youto commit to praying with your husband daily! Just see if it doesn’t draw youcloser to your husband and closer to the Lord.

“You havesaid, ‘Seek my face.’ My heart says to you, ‘Your face, Lord, do I seek.’”

Linked Up With: Women Living Well, Raising Homemakers, Wise Woman, and Encourage One Another.

Book Review: Becoming a Woman Who Pleases God

2012-02-07T14:57:00.001-05:00

Today I am taking a break from our Cultivating a Close Knit Marriage Series to share one of January's books with you, Becoming a Woman Who Pleases God, by Pat Ennis and Lisa Tatlock.

Pat Ennis and Lisa Tatlock have both been responsible for teaching the Home Economics program at the Master's College in California. This book is derived from the curriculum they teach. They base the entire content of their book on the attributes of a Wise Woman, as portrayed in Proverbs 31. Specifically they focus on 11 attributes a Wise Woman possesses; Virtuous, Trustworthy, Energetic, Physically Fit, Economical, Unselfish, Prepared, Honorable, Prudent, Loveable, and God-Fearing. Wow, who doesn't need a little more of her in their life???

This is basically the quintessential handbook for a Christian Woman! Pat and Lisa cover practically everything, from hospitality to finances to manners. Their style is simple and approachable, and the practical advice they give is centered on Scripture and easy enough to understand and implement. The only reason I was able to cruise through this puppy in a month (a lot of ground is covered, so it's a substantial read) is because I knew that my Pastor's wife and I are going to be going through it this year together, one chapter at a time.

If you are looking for a book to encourage you in your role as a woman, and to paint a Biblical picture of virtuous womanhood, this would be an excellent choice. Happy reading!

What books have been a source of encouragement to you lately?

Linked Up With: Titus 2sday, Growing Home and Gratituesday.

Close Knit Couples Read Together

2012-02-06T10:09:00.000-05:00

Photo by Nina Matthews

Some of myfavorite memories over the three and a half years Niall and I have been marriedinclude times of reading together. I remember during our honeymoon sitting outon the deck under Florida sun reading Henry James’ The Portrait of a Lady.In the summer we love to sit on our own porch after dinner and listen to a taleof Sherlock Holmes or science fiction (his favorite, not mine :D), and winterfinds us doing the same inside, curled up on the couch, cups of tea in hand(usually chocolate is also involved). We read The Hobbit on a road trip,and lately Julia Child’s My Life in France has been our great enjoyment(caution: do not read when hungry!).Most evenings right before bed Niall reads a chapter or two of Scripture outloud.

So what? Youmight think. What if reading isn’t everybody’s thing? You may have a point. ButI have several good reasons why you ought to at least consider reading togetheras a couple.

1) Reading can be a more wholesomeform of entertainment then just sitting in front of the tv. Think about it; reading requiresactive thinking, while watching tv is passive. Reading fosters thoughtfulcommunication, while watching tv does not (interrupting a show to say somethingusually causes annoyance to other people watching). Reading entertains whileeducating, and although some shows may do the same, I’m going to go out on alimb and say that most of the time what you watch is simply entertaining. Notnecessarily a bad thing (right now we look forward to watching “Downton Abbey”on Friday nights), but for your regular unwinding times, maybe you’d like toinvest it in something of greater value. We often feel guilty over time wastedwhen we’ve just plopped in front of the television, but have NEVER felt thatway after opening a book together!

2) Reading encourages thoughtfuldiscussions. In thecourse of your reading, often you will come across ideas or thoughts that youmight not have considered left to your own devices. How wonderful to chat withyour husband about these things! You might be surprised at things you learnabout him, and you might be challenged to think differently in certain areas.Reading will broaden the topics you discuss, and will encourage even more openconversation after you put the book down.

3) Reading gets you on the same wavelength. It is veryeasy to wind up just co-existing with your spouse. Life is busy, and each oneof you has different responsibilities to take care of, and different ways ofrelaxing and unwinding. There was a good chunk of time in our early marriagewhen Niall would be in one room on the computer, and I would be in another roomworking on something else, reading, or just on another computer. What a shame!How can you really connect with a roommate you aren’t spending significant timewith? When you read together, you are leaving your separate interests andgetting on the same page, and hopefully talking more (see number two).

These are acouple of reasons why you and your husband might benefit from the lost art ofreading J. Maybe you’re sold on the idea, butdon’t know where to start. Here are a few suggestions:

-If nothingelse, make sure that you are at least reading Scripture together! God’s Word is of the utmost importance, andbeing on the same page where Scripture is concerned is one of the mostimportant factors in your marriage.

-Don’t feeloverwhelmed or pressured to finish what you start. Niall and I have startedmany many books together, and rarely finished one. That is okay! The time spentwhile we were reading was beneficial, and if we move on to something else ofgreater interest before finishing, what does it really matter? For example, Iloved reading Sherlock Holmes together, but Niall found it hard to concentrateon when hearing it out loud. So we chose something else. Make sure that whatyou are reading is fun for everyone, the goal of this is not to add one morestressor to your already hectic life.

-Incorporatereading into activities you already have to do. I know of one couple that whilethe wife is washing dishes after dinner, the husband reads to her. How sweet J! When Niall and I drove to worktogether, oftentimes I would read a daily devotional reading from Voicesfrom the Past. Be creative!

-Readsnippets of interest to one another from books you are reading individually. Ifyou are each already reading on your own, share things that pop out to you withthe other person. This is another way to get on the same page and have gooddiscussions.

May youenjoy the richness of reading together, and may it bless your marriage!

Linked Up With: Better Mom and Teach Me Tuesday

Purposeful Perusal, 1st Edition

2012-02-04T08:58:00.000-05:00

Photo Via

Ahh, the weekend, here at last :). Here are some links for your enjoyment. Read them and don't feel guilty, because you are investing your time in something of value!

Why you shouldn't read this blog- Nursery of the Nation presents excellent guidelines for Mama's surfing the web. Super convicting. Don't just read and nod your head, take it to heart and truly apply it!!!

Tackling a dreaded chore- Jacinda of Growing Home Blog shares how she cleaned her very dirty refrigerator. I love that she shares pictures, because it makes me feel less ashamed and alone! Her advice is also helpful. Go be inspired :).

A Letter to My Children on Marriage- Head on over to Raising Homemakers for a beautiful letter crafted by a mom for her kids on what marriage is truly about.

Blog of the Week: Muthering Heights and other Senseless Sensibilities. If the title alone doesn't tip you off to Jessica Height's cleverness, then reading her posts certainly will. Beautiful photography compliments sweet motherly sentiments. I highly recommend for your edification and inspiration!

February Goals

2012-02-03T15:39:00.000-05:00

Goodbye January, hello February!

I am pleased to report that January's goals for 3in30 were a success! I feel like I've started to become more grafted into the 3in30 community, and with that has come good peer pressure to actually follow through on the things I've said I would do. Here were last month's goals and how they panned out:

1. Exercise 3xs a week- Did this every week but one (in which I exercised 2xs, so not too shabby).

2. Read 6 books- The scariest goal of the three! I cut it very close (reading the last few pages of the last book very quickly only moments before hitting the sack on Jan. 31st... kind of reminded me of college lol), but managed to do it! The books; 1)The Coupon Mom's Guide to Cutting Your Grocery Bill in Half by Stephanie Nelson, 2)Eat That Frog by Brian Tracy, 3)The Excellent Mother by John MacArthur, 4)The Magician's Nephew by C.S Lewis, 5)Becoming a Woman that Pleases God by Pat Ennis and Lisa Tatlock, and finally, 6)God's Solutions to Life's Problems by Wayne and Joshua Mack. Click on the highlighted links to read my reviews, haven't reviewed all yet unfortunately.

Some of the Pictures in need of frames

3. Purge and organize my daughter's nursery- Completed, but the walls are looking a little bare. Decorating is definitely the next step as time and money allows :). I have some beautiful pictures I want to hang, but am having trouble finding the right size frame... 11x12, go figure. See the before pictures here.

For February, these are the three things I hope to accomplish:

1. Develop a morning routine that works well for me, and gets all of the really important things I need to do done!

2. Read 6 more books; the picture at the top of this post displays my selections- 1)Knowing God by J.I Packer, 2)Real Marriage by Mark and Grace Driscoll, 3)The Office of Assertion by Scott Crider, 4)Damsels in Distress by Martha Peace, 5)Organized Simplicity by Tsh Oxenreider (represented here by my navy blue Kindle cover as I have the ebook version), and 6)The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S Lewis.

3. Purge and organize our office. A very scary place that I refer to as the cave. Ever since we moved in (a week and a half before my hospitalized bed rest) we've just dumped whatever we didn't know what to do with here. Going to tackle this by setting a timer for 15 minutes every week day.

Scary, I know...

I can't believe I am actually posting these online. How embarrassing!

Oh the piles

As you can see, I have my work cut out for me. What are your goals for February?

A Close Knit Couple is Joined to their Local Church

2012-02-02T10:23:00.000-05:00

Photo Via

One of the books I am reading this month is Mark and Grace Driscoll's new release, Real Marriage. In God's providence, yesterday I was reading the third chapter "Men and Marriage." Imagine my delight when I came across this line, "While there is no silver bullet to ensure all goes well in marriage, the following things make a difference: get involved in a good church..." He goes on to list "agree on what the Bible says, and worship together at home." I was so excited to stumble upon this as I was preparing a post on the importance of church involvement in your marriage.

Pastor Driscoll goes on to share statistics showing that couples who regularly attend church together tend to have a significantly lower divorce rate, and healthier and more fulfilling marriages. While this is very good news, it shouldn't surprise us. God has designed marriage, and He commands us to regularly attend our local church (Hebrews 10:25 "not neglecting to meet together"). When we obey God, we can expect His blessings. If a couple does marriage God's way (note: this takes both a husband and wife's cooperation and commitment), their marriage will work (glorifying God, accomplishing sanctification in each one's life, and bringing joy).

My husband and I have definitely reaped the rewards of committed membership in a solid, Bible teaching church. When we were first married we belonged to a church we'd attended in college. About six months in to married life, some changes occured (both in the church and our hearts), and it became clear that the Lord was moving us on. We were blessed to find a church that we could agree with theologically, and that was truly centered on Scripture, with a Pastor who boldly proclaimed God's Word from the pulpit, and gently shepherded his flock behind the scenes.

The Lord used His Word to grab the hearts of Niall and I in a powerful way. Each Sunday after service on the way home we could be found confessing our sins against one another and asking for forgiveness. We were encouraged to strive after godliness. With two services each Sunday (morning and evening) we were starting each week feeling truly fed and spiritually full. If you haven't experienced this, pray for God to send you to such a church! It will make a world of difference in your heart, and the hearts of your family members.

Here are some of the benefits of being joined to a solid, local church body:

*Hearing God's Word Preached- we need to hear the Word preached. How can we obey God without hearing and being reminded of what He says? God uses Scripture (as He did in Niall and me) to convict us of sin, bring us to repentance, and grow us in righteousness.

*Accountability- It's a joke among the women of our church that our husbands have to treat us right, or else the elders would discipline them :). All joking aside, if a godly pastor and caring believers are lovingly involved in your life, it can help to keep you on the straight and narrow.

*Fellowship- Good friendships with godly men and women not only help to keep you from sin, they also encourage you to do good and to continue zealously pursuing God and your spouse.

I hope that you are convinced! God didn't design Christians to walk solo, nor did He intend Christian couples to alienate themselves from other Christians. The Church is God's plan for His people, and your marriage will greatly benefit from obedience to Him in this area!

Linked Up With: Proverbs 31 Thursday, Thought Provoking Thursday, and Hearts for Home

Cultivating a Close Knit Marriage: Series Introduction

2012-02-01T08:58:00.000-05:00

Photo by Josh Ruud

In honor of Valentine's Day, this month I thought I would focus my posts on making the most of your marriage. God has called all married couples to become "one flesh," and unity and togetherness aren't instantaneous, nor do they come without great work and effort. If we are to have God glorifying marriages that magnify Christ's relationship to His Church, we must daily center our marriages on obedience to His Word.

I am no marriage expert, and God only knows what a long way Niall and I have to go in this department. By God's grace this will be a life long endeavor. And by His grace already at work in our lives we have seen much growth and fruit in our three and a half years. With that growth has come the sweetest delight and joy. My desire is to share the things we have learned and are currently learning and working on with you. ALL married women, please share your words of wisdom in the comments, there is so much we can learn from one another!

How can we cultivate close-knit marriages in a world that hates God, His Church, and the family? You don't have to look hard to see the havoc being wrecked by the enemy on marriages. Sadly, even and especially Christian marriages. That's what we will be looking at in this series! Come along with me as I explore ways the Christian couple can grow in grace together.

Up tomorrow: The Close-Knit Couple is Joined to their Local Church Body!

Linked Up With: Women Living Well, Raising Homemakers, Wifey Wednesday, Encourage One Another and Wise Woman

Be Purposeful About Keeping Things Clean

2012-01-31T07:57:00.000-05:00

Something I've been realizing lately is that if I pick up and clean things as I notice them it is much easier to keep my home looking good. Being pro-active about tackling messes can really make a difference in your homemaking!

Flour on the counter after rolling out dough? Wipe it down!

Clean as you go is ancient wisdom that has been passed down from homemaker to homemaker for years. Yet how often we neglect this sound advice! I can't tell you how many times I've failed to wipe the stove top or counter as soon as dinner was made, only to come back to a crusty, difficult mess the next morning. I'm sure you can relate! You'd think after a couple of times of frustrated, unprofitable scrubbing I'd have learned my lesson, but if you could only see my kitchen right now you'd know I hadn't. Clearly this is habit I need to develop. When you make a mess, clean it before moving on.

Don't leave a mess on your stove top! Take two seconds and wipe it down!

This applies not only to messes you are making, but also random dirt and grime you come across in your day. If you see a cobweb, grab a tissue or duster or cloth (whatever is closest) and take care of it! Don't just try to remember it the next time you dust ;). Instead of walking past that spot on the floor or that pile of things that need to be put away for the tenth time, just deal with it. Two minutes here and there can save a whole day of cleaning.

Throw the mail on the couch? How about taking a minute to sort it and toss what you don't need?

My dear homemakers, let us be purposeful and pro-active when it comes to maintaining our havens! There is nothing so sweet as relaxing at the end of a long day in a neat and tidy home. Your husband will appreciate it, your children will appreciate it, and you know YOU will appreciate it too! Let's incorporate these little habits and see what a large difference they might make. There is a cobweb I'm thinking of at this moment, and I'm just going to go take care of it right now....

Linking up with: Teach me Tuesday, Titus 2sday, and Gratituesday

Make the Best of Bedrest

2012-01-30T10:54:00.000-05:00

Photo Via

Bed rest can be a real bummer for the busy woman. I only spent two and a half weeks on hospitalized bed rest myself, so I have serious respect for you mamas who have had to do it for extended periods of time! I'm so thankful, and encouraged to share this with you- God gives grace even for bed rest! He knows what we need, and His mercies are new every morning, even when you wake up to spend yet another long day in bed.

Here are some things that helped to keep me sane during bed rest:

1. Don't become a total couch potato. As soon as you realize you are stuck and might be for awhile, the temptation is to begin a movie and t.v marathon. Although there is time for these things, don't completely veg out. The time God has given you is precious and can be redeemed, even when He has put you on bed rest. I don't know about you, but I can only spend so much screen time before I feel disgusting and depressed... not where you want to be in an already frustrating situation.

2. Make a daily schedule or routine. Want to get through a season of a show you've been meaning to catch up on? Fine. My suggestion is to make a daily schedule, which includes things like watching t.v and relaxing. Order your day by priorities; I always tried to start my day in the hospital with Bible reading and prayer, memorizing scripture, and then trying to make myself as clean and presentable as my restrictions allowed. Then I gave myself plenty of time for reading, visiting with friends in person or by phone, checking stuff online, or whatever else I was able for. Having some sort of order in a topsy-turvy life circumstance can bring much needed stability and peace of mind.

3. Think of this time as a gift from the Lord. I know, hard to do. Yet we've been commanded as believers to rejoice always. A friend of mine recently checked into the hospital for bed rest, they are hoping to keep her there and pregnant for at least ten weeks. She has two little girls at home, and the hospital is an hour and a half away. Now that's a challenge! I was encouraged by her attitude as I spoke with her the other day. "I'm trying to think of this as a ten week vacation," she shared. Hey, no dishes or diapers or house cleaning! It is a break and time of rest you might never get again, especially with a newborn on the way. This is a precious opportunity to do the things you've always meant to but haven't had time for- reading your back logged book list, or taking up a hobby for example.

4. Find ways to encourage and serve others. Sometimes the best thing you can do when your current situation is a source of discouragement is to focus on the needs of others. Be sweet and friendly to your nurses and other hospital staff, they are working long hard days and receive little appreciation. Look for opportunities to encourage them and point them to Christ. Be an easy patient! Write encouraging notes to friends and loved ones. Find a way you can help your church- my church hands out gospel newsletters to homes in the community, and something I could do from bed was to stuff them in their envelopes. The biggest way you can serve others is to PRAY for them! I am so encouraged by the example of one man in my church. When a devastating accident left him paralyzed from the neck down and stuck in bed permanently, he did not grow bitter. He made a specific point of using his time to pray for all of the members of our congregation. Look on the bright side, your bed rest is temporary. Pray, sister!

5. Start a project or take up a craft. What a perfect time to start an album for your baby! Or to learn to knit or crochet or cross stitch. Have you been wanting to start a blog? A scrapbook? Make something for your baby? Get to it! :)

6. Learn, learn, learn! With the extra time on your hands, why don't you read up and become an expert on a topic of interest? Prepare for labor by reading some great birth books. Or better yet, if you are facing a preemie, familiarize yourself with what that might mean for your baby. There is such a wealth of material online, research all that you can. Knowledge can make labor and a premature baby a little less scary.

7. Rest up! Believe it or not, I didn't get much sleep on bed rest. Part of it was that it's hard to sleep in a hospital, the other part was that I had a lot of company and activities lined up for myself. Seriously, just sleep! Don't feel guilty about napping during the day. At home with a new baby and any other kids you might have, you won't be able to sleep this much again for a LONG time. So enjoy, and get some rest.

Hope this helps. I know that bed rest is less than ideal, but as you seek to redeem the time you might be surprised at how fast it goes. Blessings!

Linked Up With: The Better Mom

The Importance of Planning and Some Links for Your Weekend

2012-01-28T09:46:00.000-05:00

Lately I have been slacking when it comes to setting aside specific blocks of time for planning and writing blog posts, and this week it really showed, with only two posts on Monday and Tuesday. Well, rest assured good readers, I spent two hours this morning planning and writing for February! Some good stuff coming your way, including a series on cultivating close-knit marriage, tips for enduring bed rest, and more book reviews as I attempt my "big audacious goal" (thank you Crystal Paine for this brilliant term!) of reading six books a month. Please stay tuned :).

In the meantime, here are a few good links to help you get maximum enjoyment from your weekend. Enjoy!

A delicious weekend breakfast- Again, thank you Crystal Paine. As I type my tasty cinnamon rolls are baking, teasing me with their incredible smell...

Speed read like Teddy Roosevelt- The Art of Manliness is a brilliant website put together by a husband and wife team, encouraging men to step it up in all areas, from being better husbands and fathers to winter-proofing homes and doing better in school. My husband loves it, and even though I'm a woman I've benefited a ton from their materials. This article was very interesting and inspiring!

Why Ron Paul?- Okay, maybe I shouldn't post about politics, but I very much enjoyed reading Pastor Voddie Baucham's reasoning behind his support of Ron Paul. You can take it or leave it ;).

Happy weekend! My favorite part of the week :).

My Miscarriage Taught Me About the Sanctity of Life

2012-01-24T15:54:00.000-05:00

*Written in honor of Sanctity of Life Sunday, which was this past Lord's Day*

I have always been pro-life. Always, always, always. As a child I remember being deeply grieved over the reality of abortion. I love babies, and I always have.

Fast forward to my early twenties, and I am a happy newlywed. A happy newlywed that definitely did not want to be pregnant yet. Definitely wanted babies down the road, but waiting at least two years was what I really wanted.

Then I was a little late. And I took a test. And it was positive. My husband was great; totally happy and excited, trying to figure out how we could make ends meet without me working. Becoming a father was a life-long dream of his, and even though it wasn't coming on our "ideal" timetable, he was stoked.

I was not. Was this really going to happen? I didn't feel like I had an amazing tiny person inside of me. I just felt really nauseous. And exhausted. And miserable. I figured that once I saw the baby on an ultrasound, or once my belly started to expand with life, I would fall in love with my baby. But I just wasn't feeling it yet.

At eleven weeks we finally had our first appointment with the OB. She couldn't find the heart beat, but assured me at this stage that was no big deal. Often times such a tiny little heart is difficult to find. She suggested an early ultrasound, and miracle of miracles, they had just had a cancellation, so we went straight across the hall for it.

The ultrasound tech jellied me up, and slid her magic wand over my belly. I was starting to feel a little excited and nervous. She found the little bean, but no heart beat. "This baby looks like it's about six weeks. Let's just do an internal to check if we got your dates wrong."

My dates weren't that wrong, and I knew it. She knew it. Niall knew it. Everyone in the room knew that our baby was dead, but silence hung in the air. I went to undress for the internal ultrasound, my mind numb. People who didn't want their baby weren't supposed to miscarry. They were supposed to have their baby, love their baby, and joke and smile about their precious "accident" for the rest of their lives. This couldn't be happening.

Several minutes into the internal, the sweet technician turned around to me, and with deep compassion said, "I'm so sorry." She didn't have to say why. We both knew. We sobbed as I got dressed, as we both called off work for the rest of the day. We sobbed all the way home. I cried for the baby I hadn't wanted, who had spent its only six weeks of life unloved by the woman who should have cherished it the most.

Even though I have always been pro-life, having a miscarriage taught me the value of human life in a far more personal way. I learned that having a baby really has so little to do with me, my life, my timetable. Although God gives us babies to nurture and raise, someday they will grow up and leave, and will live an entirely separate life of their own as an individual. Life is precious, and it ought to be protected by the women who carry it in its initial most fragile phase.

"Accident" or no, such a tiny, helpless babe ought to be loved. Because all babies are miracles bestowed on us by the Author of life. My miscarriage taught me that. And I will never waste the first six weeks of a pregnancy in misery and despair over the miracle of life ever again.

"For you formed my inward parts, you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works, and that my soul knows well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance, in your book were written every one of them the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them."

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward."

Linked with: Titus 2sday, Teach me Tuesday, Graitituesday, and The Better Mom

Book Review: Eat That Frog!

2012-01-23T16:56:00.000-05:00

Photo Via

Right now I am eating my frog, and writing my post about Brian Tracy's Eat That Frog. Today is just one of those days when I feel blah. It is raining, I am severely lacking in the motivation department, and I didn't spend any time this weekend planning the week's posts. All I know is that I said I'd review this book this week, so it's a start I suppose. Blah. Here goes!

The main point of this book is summarized in the title, based off a quote from Mark Twain, “Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.” In his book Brian Tracy defines a frog as the most important thing you can accomplish, that you tend to put off because of its difficulty or overwhelming nature. Just do it! By doing the most valuable item on your list first thing each day, you will be making the best use of your time, be more productive, and become more successful. It is geared for business people, but I did find it encouraging for me in my role as a homemaker.

Brian Tracy shares 21 tips to help you in your frog-eating. Making and living by to-do lists (a monthly, weekly and daily to help you keep short and long term projects in mind and organized), staying on task and focused, and doing things as quickly and well as you can, were the biggest helps I took from it. According to Mr. Tracy, if you accomplish your biggest and hardest task first, it will motivate you to continue accomplishing things.

I was encouraged to stop complaining and just get moving. Maybe writing this review today was a timely reminder for my current mood :). The faster and more focused you work, the more you will get accomplished. Common sense :). And the more big and important tasks you accomplish, the happier you will feel, enabling you to enjoy down time with the people you love most, doing the things you most enjoy.

The only thing to be wary of is his emphasis on self-esteem. My purpose in being "successful," or hard-working and productive, is ultimately for the glory of God, not to feel better about myself. With this in mind, I do believe there is a lot of good to be gleaned here!

What frogs do you need to eat today? Don't lose a moment, get going and keep going, for His glory! :)

Just Another 3in30 Update for January...

2012-01-20T12:45:00.000-05:00

My Favorite Little Girl, Great Motivator for My Goals! If she doesn't make you smile, I don't know what will.

Here's how I've been progressing on my goals for the month so far:

1. Purge and Organize the Nursery- Doing so good, I didn't even have to go in there this week :). I am basically finished, I have only one drawer that I really ought to sort. The next step will be decorating... but I'm on a tight budget. Any good inexpensive ideas for decorating nurseries?

2. Exercise 3xs a week- Only got two in last week (I knew I wouldn't do it on Saturday, ugh), but did manage to make it 3 times this week. I'm learning that flexibility is key- Monday, Wednesday, Friday isn't always going to work, for example this week I had a Doctor's appointment on Wednesday morning. My schedule was a bit random, Monday, Thursday, Friday; but it's getting done and that's what counts!

3. Read six books- I have finished three, but if you do the math, to be on track I should've finished 4 and a half by now. We'll see if I can manage! Here's my list:

~The Extraordinary Mother by John MacArthur, finished. Read my review here.
~The Coupon Mom's Guide to Cutting Your Grocery Bills in Half by Stephanie Nelson, finished. Reviewed here.
~Eat That Frog by Brian Tracy, finished. Hope to write my review next week!
~Becoming a Woman Who Pleases God by Pat Ennis and Lisa Tatlock, about half way through.
~God's Solutions to Life's Problems by Wayne and Joshua Mack, about half way through (I started this in September, it is definitely not one to rush through in a month! Excellent so far!).
~ The Magician's Nephew by C.S Lewis, not even started yet.

How have you been doing on your goals? I am super excited that my friend Katie has joined 3in30 this month :). Please encourage her :).

Book Review: The Coupon Mom's Guide to Cutting Your Grocery Bills in Half

2012-01-20T12:18:00.003-05:00

I was very excited and optimistic at the title of this book. Can I really learn to cut my already small grocery budget in half?!?!? Because that would be thrilling.

Like most present-day Americans, I tend to long for instant gratification. Shame on me. Stephanie Nelson shows us that cutting your grocery bills in half is possible, but it takes hard work and doesn't happen over night.

I appreciate how she divides up her advice, in each chapter she has hints for Busy, Rookie and Varsity shoppers (based on the amount of time you have to invest in saving and your level of experience). So no matter where you are on the journey of learning to save while shopping, she has tips for you!

Included in her book are chapters on "going green" (savings on organic food and products), gardening, and how to find the best deals at wholesale clubs and drugstores. She even has a collection of favorite recipes in the back, with cost per serving included.

The Coupon Mom's real life price examples were inspiring. I really want to walk into a CVS and come out with $30 worth of toiletries only $8 less the richer! Again, this is going to take practice and time. But I was encouraged to START couponing in the hopes of some day getting there.

Another helpful tool is her price breakdowns of the things we daily consume without thinking, like milk and flour and eggs. It put the cost of food into a clearer perspective for me, and is something I would do well to consider as I cook and shop and eat.

The only troubling thing to me is that I am still having difficulty navigating her site. Personally I find Crystal Paine's Money Saving Mom site a bit easier and more helpful. Have you had success on Coupon Mom? If so, can you tell me how it works??? :) I must be slow, because even after reading the entire chapter on how to use her site I am still confused.

Over all a helpful read, and one I will be referring back to as my coupon journey progresses.

A Unique Season

2012-01-19T13:34:00.000-05:00

It occurred to me last night as I lay in bed, unsuccessfully attempting to sleep, that I am currently in a very unique phase of life. My daughter's health requires me to stay at home without visitors. She still spends a lot of time each day sleeping. Sometimes I get frustrated that I can't have "play dates" with other stay at home mommy friends, that I can't take my baby out running errands. And sometimes I feel lonely and like this house is way too quiet.

But this season is also a very unique opportunity. Come late spring, I should be free to roam with S. Down the road we hope to have a houseful of children instead of just one, and that will make for one busy mama. At no other time in my life (that I can foresee at least) will I have so much "free"time- unscheduled, uneventful, uninterrupted. If this is my last chance at big open spaces of time, what am I doing with it??

This really may be "it" for me, and a wise woman would cherish this time instead of wishing it away. I've been thinking of what I would like to use this rare wealth of time on. Several things come to mind:

~Organizing my home, purging excess and creating a comforting and orderly environment that serves our family well.

~Getting physically into shape, eating more healthily and developing an exercise routine. I feel this is truly important. I know that the reasons for my preterm labor are unknown, but you better believe I want to do everything in my power to be in better condition for the next baby.

~Read a TON. Thus my six books a month goal. Reading through excellent books is a much better use of my time then reading everyone's facebook updates :). I want to learn and think and prepare to be the best wife and mommy I can be.

~Develop a profitable blog. If I was able to earn a little extra income for our family doing something I enjoy, it would be a great help towards our financial goal of being debt free. Again, now is the time. It would be easier to maintain something I've already poured the work into after having more babies, rather than starting from scratch.

This is how I want to spend my unique season; purposefully for the benefit of myself and my family. What is unique about your current life situation? How are you maximizing your time and capabilities in it?

Linked With: Proverbs 31 Thursday

Book Review: The Extraordinary Mother

2012-01-18T10:09:00.000-05:00

This weekend I finally made some headway with my six books a month goal. I finished John MacArthur's The Extraordinary Mother. While it wasn't earth-shattering, it was timely encouragement and worth the read. It is an easy read, in the size and style of a gift book you might place on your coffee table. Pictures of lovely flowers are scattered throughout it's pages. This would be the perfect Mother's Day gift for special women in your life (a little early, I know, but this is what it made me think of!).

How many women today are experiencing deep anxiety over their infertility? How many mother's hearts are breaking for ungodly children? Struggling to know how to train their children in a fallen, broken world? Living in the guilt of their own mistakes and wondering how past sin will effect their children? Wondering how when the time comes they'll ever be able to let them go? Many women have been there before. Even and especially women in the Bible. These women rose to the challenges of parenting with grace and godliness, and experienced great blessing.

I really appreciated Dr. MacArthur's insights into these women's stories. Suddenly I was identifying with women I'd read about for years on an entirely more human level. He brings out parallels to modern mothering that I had never noticed. Because some things never change, and there is nothing new under the sun. With these parallels clearly presented the reading mother can find hope. Hope in the God who is the same yesterday, today and forever. Hope in His Word which never fails. Hope for her children's tomorrows. Because God works all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

Linked-Up With: Raising Homemakers
The Wise Woman Builds Her Home

Before You Log On

2012-01-17T13:02:00.000-05:00

The internet can be a huge time trap, especially for full-time homemaker I am finding. When I get on without a purpose, I am easily trapped in a time-sucking warp that leaves me feeling fuzzy headed and disappointed in myself. Lately I have been asking myself the following questions before getting online. When (when being a keyword here) I actually stick to this list and keep it, I find that I get much more accomplished and don't have to feel guilty about the way I spent my day. Again, I am striving to redeem the time! Here they are:

1. Have I read my Bible today? Spent quality time in prayer? Renewed my mind before filling it with the internet?

2. Am I dressed and ready to go for the day?

3. Are my child(ren)'s needs met?

4. Do I have a written plan of action and a time limit?

Number four is especially key. I make a list of the things I mean to do, and when they are all checked off, or if the timer goes off before they are, I log off. This prevents wasting time jumping from site to site, then later thinking, "Oh yeah, I really meant to do this instead!" Writing my list and a time limit on paper is so important- if you have these ideas only in your head, it is too easy to justify staying on later or doing more than you had intended when you were clear-headed and not staring your bright-screened temptation in the face. Numbers one and three help me to keep my priorities straight, and number four keeps me from descending into "bum" territory, still in my P.J's after noon.

I hope that these guidelines are helpful for you! They have been for me so far, I just really need to stick to them! One way I've found to be helpful is just turning off the computer when I'm finished. If I have to turn it on again and wait for it to boot up, I am a lot more likely to feel guilty and honor my original intentions instead. How do you balance electronic distractions?

Linked Up With: Teach Me Tuesdays

Good Links

2012-01-16T10:42:00.003-05:00

Here are a few places around the web that I've found worthwhile lately. Sit down with a cup of coffee and something sweet, and enjoy them as you start a new week!

Biography of William Wilberforce- John Piper's cover of this historical giant is well worth a listen. If you enjoyed Amazing Grace, you will enjoy hearing more about Wilberforce! I found him to be much more godly and compelling in real life, and his wife to be a much greater disappointment then what the movie portrayed. It's an hour and a half, so this is good to carry you through laundry folding and ironing.I've been listening through all of Piper's biographies which he does at yearly pastoral conferences, and they've all been very educational and beneficial so far!

Make your own vegetable stock- My friend Katie shares a great way to use the parts of vegetables we normally throw away. Such a good feeling to use something that could be trash to stretch your kitchen dollar while making something healthy for your family!

Great blog- Just discovered Jessalyn's blog Desiring Virtue. Her by-line says it all: "Homemaking for the Theologian." Because we aren't just homemakers. We are the theological educators of our children, and that is a super important role! I particularly appreciated her posts on miscarriage, a very God-centered outlook, which unfortunately seems to be rare among Christian Women's writings on this topic.

Just for fun blog- The Modern Mrs. Darcy: Redefining the Accomplished Woman. Very fun for all Jane Austen fans, and even just women in general. I like her definitive guide to Pride and Prejudice on film. She also has great posts on historical and literary women.

Happy Monday!

A Goal Check-in

2012-01-13T10:43:00.000-05:00

Happy 6 months to S today! :) What a big girl she is getting to be!

On this lovely, snowy Friday I thought I'd take a minute to update on my progress with January's goals. My three goals were as follows:

1. Organize and purge the Nursery.
2. Read 6 books.
3. Exercise three times a week.

Here's how I did:

1. Fantastic! I am so excited about the nursery. Turns out twenty minutes a day is more than enough time to purge a room. Especially since the only things in it belong to my baby, and how much stuff can one six-month old have? ;) I didn't put in my twenty minutes every day that I meant to, so a few days I doubled up. The organizing is basically finished, but without piles the room looks pretty bare. So know I want to focus on decorating. When your baby decides to appear three months earlier than planned, the nursery isn't usually ready.

2. This might be the unattainable goal. Technically to be on schedule, I should've finished three books by now. I am very close to being done with The Coupon Mom's Guide to Cutting your Grocery Bill in Half and The Extraordinary Mother. Eat that Frog is a very manageable and easy read, it takes me about five minutes to read one chapter each day, so I'm not worried about that one. It's the big, thought-provoking, and important ones that are killers; so this week I'm going to focus extra attention on God's Solutions for Life's Problems and Becoming a Woman that Please God (both of these are excellent so far!). Haven't even started The Magician's Nephew, mainly because fun fiction is a breeze for me, so I figure I can save it as a special two or three day treat for the end of the month :).

3. Exercise is going well. Last week I was able to work-out on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Nothing major, just about twenty minutes each morning. I am trying to do one day each of pilates, yoga and the treadmill. This week has been good so far- Tuesday and Thursday worked better with my schedule, so as long as I get on the treadmill Saturday morning I'll be in good shape (no pun intended). Saturday mornings are tricky...we'll see.

How was your week? Are you still plugging away at your New Year's Resolutions, or have they fallen to the wayside? Join me on the 3in30challenge! Excellent accountability, and a great way to meet other lovely bloggers :).

1 lb. 15 oz: A Preemie Birth Tale

2012-01-12T11:17:00.001-05:00

I've mentioned aspects of my daughter's birth here and here, but if you want the complete birth story, read this post. It took me awhile to write, it was the mountain I wasn't quite sure I wanted to tackle. *deep breath* Here we go...

Me, hours before giving birth. Wait, am I even pregnant? Oh yes I am!

July 11th, 2011 dawned sunny and bright in Scranton, PA. As I looked out my giant hospital room window and began to plan my day, I was optimistic about the many things I hoped to accomplish from my bed.

I had checked into the hospital on June 25th after my mucus plug had spontaneously fallen out. A speculative exam had revealed that I was 3 cm dilated with a bulging water sac. At only 24 weeks this was very bad news and serious business. That night things got even scarier as contractions picked up and came as close as two minutes apart. The nurse on duty that night explained for a baby as small as mine was, I only needed to be 6 cm dilated to deliver. Praise God, He mercifully stopped labor by the means of lots of magnesium sulfate and indocin.

Each day that my body had cooperated without further progression was cause for praise. The neonatologists had told us our very first night that every day in the womb was two less in the NICU. This was a very encouraging statistic! Two weeks had passed without any contractions. I was beginning to think that I'd make it to at least the 32 week mark. But it was not to be.

That Monday morning I mentioned to the nurse that I thought I might have felt some abdominal twinges. "It's probably nothing," I assured her. "Just thought I'd mention it."

"Well, let's put the contraction monitor on you and just check it out," she chirped brightly. She wrapped the itchy band around my little belly and left.

Twnety minutes later she returned. "We are picking up definite contractions. The doctor has ordered ultrasound up so that we can take a look."

My heart sank. I called Niall, and within 15 minutes he was by my side. Long story short, I was back in labor, and all of the "privileges" I had earned were revoked- showering, the bedside commode, even just sitting up. Catheter was reinserted, mag was put back through my I.V, a liquid only diet prescribed, and I was miserable. At this point the very real possibility that I could deliver a very little baby didn't hit home. I'm embarrassed to admit that all I could think about was my own extreme discomfort.

Tuesday morning they hoped to wean me off the drugs, thinking my contractions should've stopped. I was very excited at the prospect of eating something and maybe having the wretched catheter removed. Unfortunately every time they tried to wean, my contractions picked up. It was a tumultuous couple of days for Niall and I. We went from the dread assurance that I would deliver, to thinking my body would hold out, and back again each time circumstances improved or worsened.

Wednesday found me at the end of my rope- the catheter was burning, I had a full-fledged urinary tract infection, my mind was a sleepy foggy mess from the mag, and all that I wanted was a bagel. All of a sudden I felt warm and wet. "Niall, the catheter is leaking! It's awful! Can you please check?"

He flipped up the sheet. Silence.

"Niall, is the catheter leaking? This is so gross!"

"Umm... it's not the catheter. This is blood."

Oh. Our eyes met in silent terror. We rang for the nurse. The test strip confirmed it- amniotic fluid. My "bulging" membranes had finally reached their bursting point.

The Doctor checked me and found I was about 5 cm. "It's D-Day," he announced. Just like that, the drugs were stopped. To my chagrin the catheter had to stay in, just in case of an emergency-C.

My wonderful nurse Jill knew that I wanted to do things as naturally as possible. She gently explained that at this gestational age babies sometimes would just "fall" right out. Nurses from the NICU and a Neonatologist would attend my birth, so the room would be full of people. The baby would be rushed out of the room immediately after birth. Not quite the scene I had envisioned or hoped for.

For two days, every time that they had tried to wean my medication, contractions had picked up. Ironically, now that they were completely gone, the contractions stopped entirely. We were playing the waiting game. Niall and I nervously grinned and squeezed each others hands, but to be honest we weren't too emotional after the roller coaster we'd been riding since Monday. We Googled and Youtubed for info on what a 27 week old baby would look like. What we should expect. What lay in store on our uncertain road ahead.

I'd meant to read up on labor. Stacks of good titles sat on my night stand. It seemed like a good third trimester activity, but I never got that far. At this point I could not bring myself to mentally preparing for labor. All that I cared about was what extreme prematurity would mean for my daughter. It consumed me- how could I best take care of her? What would she need? Would she be okay?

Four hours later, we were still waiting. Five hours- nothing. Not even a twinge. Just more wetness. I was still bleeding. The nurse came in and checked. Two minutes later she came back with the doctor. He checked me. "You haven't had any cervical progression, but you are still bleeding. At this point we have to assume that your placenta is tearing. We need to get you into the O.R for a C-section, stat."

My absolute worst fear in the world was realized at that moment. From the very beginning of my pregnancy I'd begged God to never let me have a C-section. Yet here I was. Niall squeezed my hand and gave me a kiss. They wheeled me out. I only remember the first few minutes in the O.R, then they knocked me out. After hours of waiting, things were suddenly moving way too fast.

I woke up an hour or so later, blurry, but desperate to know what had happened. S had come, weighing 1 lb. 15 oz. It was a great relief to hear how close to 2 pounds she was, as babies over that weight tend to fare better. She had cried when she came out. Niall had seen her as they wheeled her into the NICU. He had been shocked, stunned, awed... horrified? Words can't quite fully capture the feeling of first meeting a baby so small.

This is how my daughter was born. This was the beginning of our NICU life. And despite the fear, the shock, the frightening unknown- we made it through, all three of us. Praise God for His indescribably grace in Christ.

Linked Up With: Better Mom Monday

It's Never Too Early To Start: Family Devotions

2012-01-11T10:28:00.000-05:00

Our Family :)

Recently my husband has started leading our family in nightly devotions. Since S is still a little baby, it's really just the two of us participating. But it's never too early to start! Niall and I came to the conclusion that if we want devotions to be a natural part of our family life while the kids are growing up, we need to start now.

What do we do? Together we start by reciting a question from the shorter catechism and the Scriptures that go with it. We are working through it with our church; each week they post the next question in the bulletin. For example, last week was the first week. Here's how it goes:

Q: What is the chief end of man?
A: Man's chief end is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever.
1 Corinthians 10:31 "So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."
Psalm 73:25 "Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you."

I was able to type these from memory, because last week we recited them five times each time we did devotions together. Niall also typed out a copy for each of us. He put his on his desk at work, and I hung mine above the kitchen sink so that we could review throughout our day.

Catechisms are a wonderful tool, because they teach what we believe, and why (from Scripture!) we believe it. If we memorize the Scriptures that go with each question, what a wonderful theological foundation we will be laying for our children!

After our memory work, we read the "family" section of McCheyene's Bible Reading Plan out loud (usually two chapters). Then we each pray.

I am so thankful that the Lord has given me a husband who is actually leading our family in the things of God. Christ must be central in our homes! If reading and praying isn't a daily part of your family life, why not begin? Share your desire for family devotions with your husband, and gently encourage him to lead in this area.

If you do already have regular family devotions, what do they include? Please share your ideas in the comments!

Linked up with: Living Well Wednesday
                          Raising Homemakers
                          Works for Me Wednesday
                          Wise Woman
                          Proverbs 31 Thursday

What Can You Do With 10 Minutes?

2012-01-10T13:20:00.002-05:00

"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil." Ephesians 5:15,16

These are verses that I've been working on committing to memory lately, and as I've meditated on them I've been truly struck by my tendency to fritter away "little" minutes.

As busy wives and moms, we have so many "little" minutes. Waiting for that casserole to finish baking, for the repair man to arrive, or for that bottle to heat up. Just enough time that you find yourself unoccupied, but not quite enough time to start the next big project. What you choose to do in these moments can make a big difference in your life, because they really add up.

It's made me wonder- what can really be done with 10 minutes? I've been going around my house and setting my timer, and here is the list I came up with:

-Make a dent in the pile of dishes on your counter (I don't have a dishwasher, but if you are so blessed as to have one, I'll bet you could get all of your dishes loaded and running in 10 minutes!)

-Wipe kitchen counters and table, spot clean the floor

-Quickly tidy up your home, picking up all stray items

-Read several pages of a good book

-Iron a shirt or two

-Put away dry dishes

-Sort laundry and start a load

-Fold and put away a load

-Enjoy a few minutes of snuggling or reading time with your babe!

Let's purpose as moms and wives seeking to honor the Lord to redeem the time in our homes for His glory! What can you do in 10 minutes? Please share your thoughts in the comments :).

Linked up with: Titus2sday
Domestically Divine Tuesday
Teach me Tuesdays

January Goals

2012-01-06T14:35:00.000-05:00

Here are my goals for January with 3in30 :).

1. Continue to work on exercise, specifically 3 times a week. Monday, Wednesday, Friday. This week was a winner! Now that my daughter is sleeping through the night, it is a lot more realistic to plan on exercising in the mornings. This Monday I did the treadmill, Wednesday was pilates, and today was yoga.

2. Read six books. Yikes! One of my goals for 2012 in general. Each month I'd like to read a book from the following categories: 1)Parenting/marriage, 2)Homemaking/managing, 3)Something for my soul (theology, Christian living, etc.), 4)for Education (I always want to be learning about different things!), 5)for Women, 6)for fun! My parenting book this month is The Excellent Mother by John Macarthur, homemaking is The Coupon Mom's Guide to Cutting Your Grocery Bill in Half, for my soul I'm finishing the Mack's book God's Solutions for Life's Problems, education is Eat that Frog by Brian Tracy, womanhood book is Becoming a Woman who Pleases God by Patricia Ennis and Lisa Tatlock, and finally, for fun, C.S Lewis' The Magician's Nephew. This is a lot of reading. I am aware of that and slightly nervous. However I figure that if I use my pumping sessions productively on reading instead of surfing the web, I just might be able to do it. I'll be posting book reviews to let you know how they are!

3. Completely purge and organize my daughter's room! 20 minutes a day, 5 days a week. We'll see if that pace is effective. As promised, here are the before pictures:

View from the door

Unusable Crib and Changing Pad

Closet and Piles on the Floor

Possibly the only neat area in the room

As you can see, I have my work cut out for me :). Happy goal pursuing! And if you haven't joined 3in30 yet, why not this month?

Book Review: Finding God's Path Through Your Trials

2012-01-05T15:07:00.000-05:00

During my daughter's NICU stay, my Pastor's wife and I read Elizabeth George's book Finding God's Path Through Your Trials. It was extremely helpful at the time, and I would recommend it to any woman going through a difficult season in life, no matter the type or size of the trial. The book is organized by character traits a woman can learn to develop in times of trial; Joyfulness, Stability, Maturity, Mightiness, and Endurance. Each trait is based off of a specific section or verse of Scripture.

I truly appreciate Elizabeth George's ability to take simple truths from God's Word and illustrate how we can practically apply them. She is compassionate and yet no-nonsense all at once. If God says to do something, we must obey. She has lived out His Word through the ups and downs of her own life. Many true stories of herself and women she has known are shared in the book to encourage the reader, no matter their circumstance.

The biggest things I took from reading it were: 1)You are not alone in your trial, and just because your trial may seem more difficult then your neighbor's, doesn't give you any reason to take pride or to develop a superiority complex. 2)You should not desire to rush out of trials, thinking that things will be better as soon as you are relieved. Trials are a fact of life, and the trial you are in now will only lead to greater ones. This is not pessimism, it is reality. Ask the Lord to teach you through each trial, cling to Him and allow your closeness to Him to make life sweet.

A good book well worth reading. I hope that it encourages you as you face life's day-to-day difficulties!

I'm Home for Her

2012-01-04T09:48:00.002-05:00

I'm not home all day to keep a perfect house.
I'm not home all day to cook gourmet feasts.
I'm not home to entertain or please myself.
I am home for my daughter.

Cleaning is good, cooking is necessary.
Raising my daughter is essential and my life's work.

Though I may have many responsibilities around the house,
they are not my highest task. There will always be laundry,
but my daughter will not always be little.

Do your housework, cook and clean. But don't forget the most important responsibility that the Lord has entrusted you with, the reason you came home in the first place. Spend each day cherishing your child.

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward."

"Train up your child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it."

Linked up with: Homemaking@Raising Homemakers
Wise Woman

It Wasn't Love at First Sight

2012-01-03T09:30:00.004-05:00

The first time I laid eyes on S

My daughter's birth story was not dreamily perfect, it was not all that I'd imagined. The hours of agony ending in perfect joy as a healthy bundle is handed to you. Oohing and aahing as you observe that she has Mommy's eyes, and Daddy's nose. Smiling for pretty pictures and enjoying nuzzling close. Staring into the sweet face you've imagined for the last nine months...

No, it wasn't love at first sight. It was bleary-eyed, drug-induced confusion. It was a numbing shock, a surreal experience of fear and sorrow. Something about this picture wasn't right.

I was put under for her birth by emergency c-section and didn't even see her until she was 3 hours old. Her tiny, 1 lb. 15 oz. body was buried beneath tubes and wires and a diaper far too big for her, it was covered in angry-red skin. Was this really my baby? How did I know? How was this possible?

Thanks to Percocet I can hardly recall those first few days. Initially I didn't even mind leaving my daughter alone in the hospital- it had been so long since I'd been home and in my own bed. My body was sore and my mind a fog. I didn't feel like a mom and I was still reeling from this strange providence.

Love didn't come at first sight- no, it was a slow, creeping thing that crept like moss over my soul. It began at five days old when they first placed her on my bare chest and she cried when they took her off. It exploded out in giant tears the day her i.v had to be replaced- a helpless little baby screaming as the doctor stuck her, insensible to the why of her pain. We cried together, my hand on her head, and her cry left an indelible print on my heart.

Love grew stronger each night that I went home empty-armed, until I could hardly bear the pain of missing her. And finally, joy abounded the day, two months later, that I took my baby home.

In a fallen world life is not always ideal or what we'd expected. Things aren't always as easy or instant as we hoped. Love isn't perfect, but it did come and it is enough. I've found peace in embracing my difficult start as a mother, and I want you to know that it's okay to grieve the sweet moments you missed out on. Someday you will feel like a mommy. Allow the Lord to free you from guilt and disappointment, and embrace the gift He's given you, imperfections and all.

Linked Up with: {Titus 2}sdays

Gratituesday

Domestically Divine Tuesdays

Getting My Home Squared Away in 2012

2012-01-02T11:22:00.000-05:00


My In-Laws Home in Ireland

Niall and I moved to a new apartment the week before I was hospitalized for preterm labor. Then we had a very little baby in the NICU for two months. Life as a new mom once my baby came home was an adjustment, and I am still learning how and trying to get everything done. Needless to say my house is a tad bit of a wreck :). If you just peek into the door of my living room it isn't so bad, but shine a light on the deep inner recesses and you might be shocked! Since I can't go anywhere anyways (S is on lockdown to avoid germs until late spring), I thought 2012 might be well-spent on purging and organizing our home.

Like I said, still adjusting to life as a new mom with its various challenges, so how can I do this without quickly burning out? Here's my plan: one room a month. I'll be assigning one room as one of my goals for 3in30 each month. Every weekday I intend to set a timer for 20 minutes and just plug away. If the progress isn't steady enough at that pace then I'll adjust my plan as needed.

Be excited! I will be posting the embarrassing before pictures, in hopes that the after shots will be smashing :). The first room: Baby S' nursery! Right now she sleeps in a bassinet in our room, but soon I want to start putting her in her actual crib for naps. Right now that is impossible since it is literally piled high with baby stuff.

I'd love for you to join me! Pick one room to work on this month and tell me about it in the comments. The more the merrier :). Happy organizing!

Happy New Year, and a Few Good Links!

2011-12-31T14:53:00.002-05:00

Image Via

Wishing everyone a very Happy New Year!

Here are some links to help you ring it in right:
1. A beautiful daily planning sheet by Ann Voskamp. Seriously, it is so pretty and all-inclusive and fun that I have completely forgotten my new approach on the To Do list!
2. Printable Goal Sheets from Money Saving Mom. All you have to do is read her blog to know that Crystal has her act together as far as goal setting and keeping goes. I printed these out and will be filling in my goals for 2012 this evening.
3. Ring it in clean with the Pomodoro Technique. This is how I will be cleaning my house this afternoon :).
4. A really cool New Year's tradition- Women Living Well's Time Capsules.

I'll be seeing you in the New Year :).

December with 3in30

2011-12-30T10:05:00.000-05:00

Baby S in her Christmas Best :)

My three goals for the month of December were as follows:

1. Start exercising again (I stopped exercising in June when I went into pre-term labor with my daughter, and haven't gotten back into a consistent schedule of exercise since).

2. Play with my daughter more (it is so easy to be distracted by technology and housework, I wanted to make a point of focusing more on her, instead of just having her along for the ride).

3. Pray every day (who doesn't need to improve in this area? It is a vital discipline for the Christian!).

Here's how I did:

1. On Exercise- Okay. My goal was just to do something, no matter how small. I exercised on average 1 or 2 days a week. Most of the time I did twenty minutes of a yoga video session. You know you are out of shape when yoga is enough to wear you out :/. I still have a lot of room for improvement in this area, both with frequency and variety- I really need to start kicking my butt with pilates and the treadmill :). So I will be focusing on this area again next month.

2. On Playing with S- Getting better! Although I didn't always set the timer for undistracted playtime, I made a point of putting my phone down, getting off the computer, and just enjoying S more. It wasn't hard, especially now that she is smiling so much :). She even tracks toys and various objects with her eyes now. Again, still something I want to keep focused on, but I think I really improved in this area.

3. On Prayer- Good. Almost every single week day I was able to get in at least 20 minutes. Ironically it was the weekend, especially the Lord's Day of all things, when I struggled. How is it that on a day set aside for worship and rest I didn't make time to pray??? This did improve as the month went on though. I've started Matthew Henry's A Way To Pray, very good, and I have been working on praying through passages of Scripture that I read.

How did you do on your goals this month?

What to do with that Leftover Holiday Turkey

2011-12-29T09:40:00.000-05:00

The dirty work

This week has been Turkey week in my house. As in, I picked clean the entire bird, made a giant pot of turkey stock, and cooked turkey meals like a wild woman. It was well worth the effort! Today I will be throwing several containers of soup and pot pie filling mixture into my freezer for later days in which I am un-inspired to cook. Success! Also, there is this empowering pioneer woman feeling that comes from making your own from scratch broth and picking clean an entire giant animal :).

Simmering the bones and other remains for stock

Lately I have been reading Trina Holden's e-book Real Fast Food. The timing was perfect, because in her book she explains the best way to make stock with the maximum nutritional benefit. Although I'd made my own stock before, I had no idea that you needed to boil it for a minimum of 12 hours to get all the good stuff out of the bones! I also learned a "secret" ingredient for drawing the good nutrients out. But it won't be a secret if you read her book :).

My soup

Finally, here is a very basic soup recipe that we enjoy. Bonus: it is very quick and easy to make! For four servings all you need is: 3-4 cups of broth, 1 cup of turkey (or chicken), 1 chopped carrot, 1 chopped stalk of celery (my husband doesn't like this, so I just add another carrot), 1/2 cup of noodles, and salt and pepper to taste. Simply bring the stock and carrots to a boil, add pasta, and cook until the pasta is done (about ten minutes). Add the meat, salt and pepper. Sometimes I use brown rice instead of pasta (it does take longer that way), and add frozen corn for a little bit of natural sweetness. Yesterday I made a quadrupile batch so that I had extras to freeze. We still have more meat, so I think we might be eating turkey quesadillas tonight :). Yum!

What things do you like to make with your leftover turkey meat?

Bible Reading Plan for 2012

2011-12-26T15:05:00.000-05:00

(image via)

It's that time of year again; one year drawing to a close, the next one almost upon us. I am so excited! Niall and I have been busily planning things we want to work on as a couple and family for the new year. More about that in the week to come.

One thing I've been thinking about is how I am going to read through the Bible this year. For the past four years I have used the Discipleship Journal Bible Reading Plan, an excellent tool that I very much enjoyed. It has you reading through four things at all times- the Old Testament, Wisdom Literature, the Gospels, and the New Testament. This is nice because it really gives you a feel for Scripture as a whole, so often my readings in the Old Testament would correspond with what I was reading in the New Testament or Gospels. The biggest perk of this plan though is that it goes only 25 days each month, leaving you on average 6 catch-up days! Because of the extra breathing room, it was the first Read Through the Bible in a Year Plan that I actually finished. As I became more faithful and consistent over the years, actually staying on time with the plan, I would use the extra days at the end of each month for more detailed Scripture studying. It was a great plan and I highly recommend it!

Because I've been doing it for four years, I decided that it might be nice to try something fresh and new this year. A lot of people in my church use the McCheyne plan, and my husband thought he would like to give it a try. With it you will read through the Old Testament once, and the New Testament and Psalms twice. At this point I think I will probably join Niall, since I like the idea that we are reading the same portions of Scripture at the same time.

How about you? What plans have worked well for you in the past? What are you trying this year? I'd love to hear of different options! If you haven't made it a habit to read through the whole Scriptures yearly, why not start in 2012? It will be well worth your time!

A New Take on the To Do List

2011-12-21T19:13:00.000-05:00

I have a very long To Do list. You too?

I LOVE lists. I am a nerd. I love paper, and pretty pens and markers, and the sense of accomplishment I feel when I check off each task.

The To Do list does lose a bit of it's luster when it never gets finished though. If you've done your best all day and the list still stretches out a mile long, you can feel very defeated and unaccomplished.

Enter my new idea. Lately instead of following a traditional To Do list, I have simply been writing down what I have finished as I accomplish it. I have a pretty good idea of what I need to do already, writing down each item as I do it is just as satisfying as checking it off, and at the end of the day I can be encouraged looking at everything I have finished.

This might just be a silly way to feel better about myself, but it has been very helpful so far in motivating me to keep moving. I'll take whatever help I can get!

Last Week's Links

2011-12-19T11:37:00.000-05:00

I must apologize for dropping off the face of the blogging world towards the latter half of last week. Business of finishing up wrapping presents and getting ready to ship them off, as well as finishing up our Christmas cards became a little all-consuming. One of my goals for next year is to finish all Christmas preparations in November! That will make for a much more enjoyable season :).

This morning I just thought I'd share a few links I've enjoyed recently. I hope they are a blessing to you!

Good Listens:
Mark Driscoll on Marriage and Women - A good sermon on 1 Peter 3:1-7. I appreciate Mark Driscoll's bluntness and sense of humor!
John Piper on Submission - Also on 1 Peter 3:1-7. Notice a theme? Hey, we do need help on that whole submission thing ladies :). I really liked Pastor Piper's explanation of the reasoning behind our submission; fearless faith.

Good Reads:
Lindsay Edmonds on enjoying staying at home - Lindsay Edmond's blog Passionate Homemaking is one of my favorites! This post is helpful for the stay at home Mama who sometimes feels trapped, or stay at home mom's who really enjoy being at home and need to balance how much time out they have.
Reb Bradley shares mistakes made as a homeschooling father - I really appreciated his honesty and humility. Although Niall and I haven't made any decisions about how we want to educate our children yet, I found the information to be valuable for any Christian parent.

Enjoy your last week of Christmas fin and preparations! :)

He Knows What I Need

2011-12-13T15:14:00.000-05:00

My sweet daughter S loves to be awake... only at night when I want to sleep it seems. Can you relate? Motherhood and sleeplessness are synonyms, right? So this is no surprise to me, because it has been the plight of mothers down through the centuries. I get it. And most of the time I can roll with it. One of the wonderful things about being a stay at home mom is naps :).

But then there are times, like last night, when I've just about hit my limit of sleep deprivation. This child cannot possibly be still awake! If I have to keep my eyes open for another second, I might die! It is cruel not only that you are awake, but that you actually have to function sanely, still being patient and sweet to the little baby who has no clue about the misery she is causing.

In these moments I have found peace and reassurance with one simple thought. He knows what I need. The Lord isn't out to get me, He won't push me beyond my limits. So if my daughter is still wide eyed and in need of care, He will equip me to handle it. He knows what I need.

I love Psalm 127:2- "it is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil, for He gives to His beloved sleep." Amen! Music to a tired Mama's ears :). The Lord will give me the rest I need, when I need it. Let it sink in deep: He knows what we need!

One of those Days...

2011-12-12T16:03:00.000-05:00

Today it's been just one of those days. Overslept, got up to feed a starving baby and send a sleepy husband running out the door. Still felt exhausted after feeding the babe, and after a 20 minute couch nap didn't revive me, I headed back to bed, feeling guilty, but more tired than anything else. Once I got up for good (at ten, yikes!) and was back on the couch feeding baby again, the despair started to descend.

"You've wasted half of the day! Look at this house! There is no way that you are going to be able to get it all accomplished. Think of your poor husband- he's tired too, but he's had to work all day anyway. What kind of lazy woman are you?"

Thank God that we don't have to succumb to these things. There have been days that I've dwelt in despair-land, but today I took a deep breath and decided to forget what was behind me (half of a wasted day). The good news is I still had half of a new and beautiful day ahead of me. There was no sense in dwelling on what couldn't be changed. I've done that before, and at the end of the day I was still tired, still bummed, and my untouched to do list was still looming like a dark cloud over me.

So instead I asked the Lord to help me where I was. He knows I am tired, and discouraged. He alone can give me the grace I need to face the rest of the day. Even though it didn't make me feel productive or like I was making a dent in the demands of my day, I took time out and prayed. And it helped. I was able to exercise, shower and get dressed, read my Bible, work on laundry. Now I am hitting the afternoon slump, but by His grace (and with the help of some pick me up caffeine :) ) I intend to finish the laundry, do the dishes and make dinner. Ready set go!

Are you doing the best you can today with a joyful heart? Or are you feeling overwhelmed and hopeless? What are some things that help you look to the Lord and persevere when you are tired and busy?

Things I Wish I'd Known from the Get-Go in the NICU

2011-12-07T14:46:00.000-05:00

Feeding S by syringe through her NG tube, day four in the NICU.

1. The Doctor's don't tell you everything right away, and that is probably a good thing. With so many possibilities of different outcomes and complications, it would be information overload if they tried to tell you everything you might need to know eventually at the beginning. Your first few days in the NICU are probably the most stressful of your life, would you really want to know all of the negative possibilities you could end up facing? Sometimes I felt angry or discouraged when a Doctor shared something that was happening with S that I hadn't seen coming. But looking back I appreciate that they saved things for a need to know basis. One day at a time. It was much less overwhelming.

2. Chronic Lung Disease is not as scary as it sounds. When they first mentioned it as a possibility for my daughter, I think I about had a heart attack. "My daughter has what?!?!?" But all it means is that your baby requires oxygen after 36 weeks gestation (adjusted age). Yes, your baby will have scar tissue in his lungs for the rest of his life. But the wonderful news is that the body keeps growing new lung tissue until age 2, so much so that the scar tissue becomes a non-issue. Will my kid have asthma? Maybe (after all I had it as a kid even without being born prematurely). However the diagnosis of Chronic Lung is by no means going to hurt her for life. Phew! Would have loved that info before having the heart attack ;).

3. Share your expectations with the staff very clearly. I will never forget the day that I came into the hospital later than my normal time, only to find out that a nurse had given my daughter her first ever bottle, something I had been longing for and waiting to do for weeks. It about broke my heart. S had done really well with it, but the joy over that fact was completely overshadowed by my disappointment at missing it. When you have a baby (especially your first) with a prolonged stay in the NICU, it is very hard to feel like a mommy. And those precious moments really make a difference for your heart! If I could go back I would have clearly, loudly, and often communicated my desire to be present for all major milestones. Let them know! Better to come across as slightly obnoxious then to miss out on those memories.

About Breastmilk.....

4. If you plan to pump milk for your baby as long as possible, buy a pump! We have been renting the hospital grade pump for five months now. With all the money we've tossed at it, we should have just bought a double electric pump ourselves. Although I have filed an insurance claim, I have yet to hear anything, and I am wishing I had something to show for all the money spent. Bonus: if you buy your own pump you have one for the next baby!

5. Your milk supply might not last forever. I had no concept of this. So many times when my milk supply was great I decided to be lazy and not pump as much as I should have. Oh, how I wish I could go back and pump like a fiend to fill my deep freezer!! Because my supply has been very up and down, and to this day I am not sure how long S will be able to have a strictly breastmilk diet.

6. Don't buy bags for your milk! One, they are expensive. Two, the hospital will continue to supply you with the plastic containers for free as long as you need! Three, sometimes milk bags leak when defrosting, and precious milk is wasted. Another way I could have saved a ton of money if I had only known.

I hope that these tips are helpful to you in your NICU experience! It would have been very helpful for me at any rate :).

New Goals for a New Year

2011-12-05T13:07:00.000-05:00

My husband turned 27 last month. The poor guy took it very seriously, not exactly sure that he wanted to be another year closer to 30. It was good though in that it inspired some reflection. Another year has gone by. What is it that we have accomplished? How are we doing on becoming the people that God would have us to be? There is nothing like a birthday, or the New Year for that matter, to get you to examine your priorities, the direction of your life, and where you would like to be another year down the road.

Reflection shouldn't lead to despair or disappointment over what you haven't done. Rather it should inspire you to start fresh on new goals with renewed energy. I love the start of new seasons; the school year, the New Year, etc. It fills me with delight! One more opportunity to try again. A new chance to grow in grace and improve. A blessing from the Lord that He certainly did not owe us.

For Niall and I, this time of reflection couldn't have been timed more perfectly. S is almost five months old, and has been home from the hospital for just about three. We are starting to adjust to our new life as parents. When there is a newborn in the house, schedules and goals are easily pushed to the peripheral. Early alarm clocks are silenced, the sleep you didn't get last night proving more desirable than time in the Word and prayer together.

Yet it is especially important that as parents we demonstrate discipline and good prioritization to our children. Sure, S isn't big enough to know what's going on now, but before we know it, she will be! And if we don't make the necessary changes early, it will be too late.

It has been a great blessing to make new goals as a team. For Niall to have the proper amount of time in the morning for his personal devotions, and then for us to have breakfast and a quick time of prayer and reading as a family, we need to get up at 5 am. The first week we tried it, we managed to succeed 3 days out of five. Week two was better, 4 days out of 5. Now we are on week three, aiming to get up at 5 all 5 days! And starting our day right together has been life-changing. We have noticed improvement in our communication, and closer personal walks with the Lord throughout our busy days. What a blessing!

So here's to another year :). What are your goals as the new year approaches?

Preserving NICU Memories

2011-12-02T13:27:00.000-05:00

Although at the beginning of your NICU stay you may think you'll want to forget the entire thing ever happened, there will be things you do want to hang onto. Like just how tiny your little peanut was. And the moments in which you finally had that "AHA!" ray of light- "I AM a mother, and my baby knows me!" And how incredibly good the Lord was to you and your baby, the many ways He used His children to bless you. Yes, you will definitely want to remember these things! Here are some helpful ways that I've found to document my daughter's NICU stay:

-Photos. We took lots and lots of pictures! One of my favorite things we did was to take weekly shots of S next to a baby doll. . At first she and the doll were close to the same size. Now at nearly five months (two adjusted age) it fits right in her arms!

-Journaling. Within the week after my daughter's birth. my dear Pastor's wife gave me a beautiful journal that I felt was perfect for me and S. A lovely picture of a mother holding her daughter graced the cover. In it I began a journal to S, detailing the events surrounding her birth, and her time in the hospital. Since she has been home I've updated it from time to time with her milestones. I can't wait to give it to her someday :).

-Memento Box. Throughout S's hospital stay I collected various keepsakes; an xs preemie diaper, her stamped footprints from the day she was born, first hat, billy light goggles, and a tiny pacifier, among other things. Right now I just have them all in a wicker basket (as well as cards people gave us around the time of her birth), but someday soon I hope to get a pretty box to keep them in. I'll add her little preemie clothes too, and when she is a big girl and wants to know her story I will pull out the box and show her.

Because the truth is someday I will forget how tiny she really was, and I will want to see these things again and to remember the great faithfulness of the Lord, and just how precious my little girl was.

Goals for December

2011-12-01T13:55:00.000-05:00

So.... November goals were a super big failure. I've been thinking about it, and here is where I went wrong:
1. Unrealistic expectations- Life is a lot different with a newborn! Failing at my three goals helped me to realize what I really can expect out of myself. Getting on the treadmill first thing every morning just might not be realistic right now.
2. Broad goals without a simple plan for accomplishing them- I said I wanted to walk on the treadmill every week morning, and pray every day, and blog three times a week, but I didn't make small goals to get there, and became overwhelmed. This month I will chart more specific, smaller to dos to make it more attainable.
3. No accountability- which has led me to decide that I should OFFICIALLY join the 3in30 challenge.

What about December? Well, here goes....
Goal #1: Exercise in some fashion more often. This is so vague! Haha. What I mean is it is good if I do anything; whether it is the treadmill, a walk around the neighborhood, or one of my yoga or pilates DVD's. And it is good even if it is only ten minutes. Because I have to ease myself back into this. And something is better than nothing!
Goal #2: Pray every day! This is still an essential, and I cannot relax on it. If I don't get on the treadmill in the morning (which is a great way to pray I've found), then I will pray during my first pumping session of the morning. I am shooting for at least 20 minutes. This is a minimal amount when we consider the importance of the discipline, really, but again, I have to start somewhere.
Goal #3: Play with baby S more often! It is so easy for her to be just along for the ride as I go about my daily activities. I want to purpose to spend more time focused just on her. To start with, I'm aiming for 15 minutes a day of "playtime." Let me know if you have any fun ideas of ways to play with your baby! I could use the insight.

We will see how December goes. By God's grace I will try to work harder!!! And become more disciplined. Because I have found the better my discipline in these areas, the more joyful life is :).

Parenting Lessons from the NICU

2011-11-30T16:36:00.000-05:00

Having a hospitalized newborn is definitely a rough start to parenting. At the same time, my daughter's two months in the NICU was full of important life lessons for me as a parent. Here are a few things I learned:

1. Don't compare your child to other children. Everyone is different, and to compare is to place unfair expectations on my child, and to set myself up for disappointment. While S was in the NICU, I was busy studying other babies who came around the same weight and gestational age. When she didn't meet the same milestones at their pace, I was inevitably crushed. At the same time she beat some of them to other milestones. Every baby has different genetic and developmental variables. I need to focus on just my baby, one step at a time. When I stop comparing I free myself up to rejoice in the little improvements that she makes on her own perfect time table. Everyone is happier that way!

2. Don't be obsessed with numbers! Every NICU parent falls into the rut of staring at the monitor screen. What is my baby satting? How's her heart rate? Other numbers can also become an obsession- what she weighed today, how many ml she took at her last feed, etc. This can keep us as parents from just enjoying our babies. Let the numbers go! Study your baby for his important cues and you will learn better how to help and care for him. I suppose that someday this will apply to things like test scores :).

3. My child is in God's hands. This was probably the hardest one for me, and yet the most essential. Every night I had to say good-bye to my baby and leave her in the hands of practical strangers. Don't get me wrong- the nurses were fantastic, and we really grew to love a handful of them that we are still in touch with since S's release. But some were better than others, and some I didn't know as well. Some cared more and really invested as they would if it were their own family member. But for some of them it was just a job. And what if my little girl was left to cry on her own for a long time? Her voice was so little, and she was in a room all by herself. Or what if a life-changing decision had to be made, and the person in charge of her made the wrong choice? Or what if they were negligent and the impact effected my baby for the rest of her life? The scary scenarios were endless, and if I had continued to dwell on them I would have made myself crazy. Ultimately I had to realize that my child was in God's hands. He was in that hospital room with her, and He was working each event in it according to the counsel of His will. Even if something did go terribly wrong. Isn't this true at all times anyway? When your child is 2, 4, 10, and beyond. Even if you watch them like a hawk and do all that you can, sometimes kids get cancer. Or hit by a car. Or choke or run away or are kidnapped. It happens all the time. And the only thing we can know for certain is that the LORD is with them, and nothing happens to them apart from His loving and perfect decree. We don't have any guarantees outside of that ever. All that we can do is entrust them to our Heavenly Father's care.

4. Be flexible and go with the flow, don't come with expectations which you cannot control. The NICU has been called a roller coaster countless times by countless people. One day your baby is doing great and you feel elated, the next day is disastrous and you walk away heartbroken. The only way I found to take it in stride was to try to keep a blank slate every morning when I walked into S's room. No expectations, praying for grace and patience for whatever was ahead, rejoicing in the sweet things as they came along. This is a moment-by-moment battle. We can have victory only in clinging to the promises of God!            5. Do not worry about tomorrow. I guess this ties in with the last two. Don't entertain endless what-ifs, be in the present and trust the LORD with this moment. His mercies are new every morning, and He gives more grace, as you need it!

6. My hope is in God, not men or medicine. Another toughie, also ties in with the last three. Sometimes doctors would promise us things that didn't happen, and when S didn't meet their expectations we were hugely disappointed. Other times S exceeded their expectations. Ultimately it didn't matter what drug they used or decision they made- how S responded and what happened in her body was, again, in God's hands .It is very easy to trust in things we see, but we are called to rely on the One who is unseen. And we praise Him no matter what- when things go as we had hoped, or when all earthly hope is lost.
I hope that these lessons will be a help to you as they were and still are to me. What important lessons have you learned as a parent?       Linked Up With: Titus 2sday

A New Purpose

2011-11-28T14:31:00.000-05:00

My purpose in starting this blog was to share things I was learning in my role as a wife and homemaker, in hopes of blessing, encouraging and learning from other homemakers along the way.

Several months in, my life was completely changed by the premature birth of my daughter. Little S came 3 months early, at 27 weeks, weighing 1 lb. 15 oz. In many ways the experience was devastatingly painful, but as with all trials in the life of a Christian, it was also a valley of great learning and affirmation of the truths I hold dearest. God is still completely sovereign, He has a purpose in every circumstance He brings the Christian through, and He lovingly cares for His own.

One of the hardest aspects of my trial was the great feeling of loneliness- all of my close friends and family members had delivered healthy, full-term babies. Although I did meet several parents in similar circumstances during our time in the NICU, none of them were believers. And what true comfort can come apart from Christ? There was mutual sympathy and support, but no real soul-sharing comfort.

Since my daughter's homecoming, I've heard of two other families recently thrust into similar situations- friends of friends who I don't know- and my heart goes out to them. I know the pain, the fear, the uncertainties, and the roller-coaster nature of the NICU. I long to hug them, to cry with them, to comfort them with the comfort with which I have been comforted by God (2 Cor.1:4).

In a desire to offer resources to other believers who happen to also be parents of preemies, I will be using this blog as a platform for just that. I still intend to post wife, mommy, and home things, I'm just adding something new to the mix. Something that is very much a part of me since the Lord chose to bring it into my life. Eventually I hope to have a wealth of material designed to encourage and inform NICU mommies, including guest posts from other women who have been there, done that. Stay tuned...

A Thanksgiving of Firsts

2011-11-25T13:36:00.000-05:00

It was a thanksgiving of firsts in the O'Neill household. Baby S celebrated her first thanksgiving ever. Daddy and Mommy had their first Thanksgiving on their own, as keeping S healthy means keeping to ourselves until the spring. Since it was the first Thanksgiving we hadn't spent with family or friends, it was also my first turkey. I had a big sigh of relief when it came out just right without any major crisis!

It was also my first pie ever. I know that is embarrassing for someone like me who loves baking and all things domestic to admit, but alas, it is true. I have always been intimidated of pies! But it turned out fine. It tasted good even if it was a bit ugly :).

We had a very nice holiday by ourselves. I even got to take a nap while Niall watched S, which was amazing. We played Christmas music in the kitchen as we cooked together.

All in all there is so much to be thankful for this year! I am so thankful for S, who in all reality would not have made it to be with us apart from the loving mercies of God. I am thankful that she is off of her oxygen. I am thankful that none of us have gotten sick since she has been home. I am thankful that both sets of her grandparents and one uncle have been able to fly out and see her. I am thankful for delicious food and a cozy home, for a wonderful husband who works hard for us and strives to lead us spiritually. For a wonderful church body, many fantastic friends, and the freedoms we have to worship God in this country. For the Word of God and open access to Him in prayer. For His many tender mercies which are new every morning!

What are you thankful for this year?

Verses for this Thanksgiving Season

2011-11-23T16:54:00.000-05:00

Over and over in the Scriptures we see verses telling us to give thanks to the Lord. Thanksgiving (I'm referring to the act, not the holiday) is very important to God.

Here are some scriptures that I will be meditating on and hopefully committing a few to memory this week:

"Oh give thanks to the LORD, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever!" Psalm 107:1

"Let them thank the LORD for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of men!" Psalm 107:15

"Oh give thanks to the LORD; call upon his name; make known his deeds among the peoples!" Psalm 105:1

"Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving." Colossians 4:2

"give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thessalonians 5:18

"It is good to give thanks to the LORD, to sing praises to your name, O Most High;" Psalm 92:1

"But we your people, the sheep of your pasture, will give thanks to you forever; from generation to generation we will recount your praise." Psalm 79:13

There are hosts of others to choose from!!! What Scriptures are on the forefront of your mind this week?

Lord's Day Recap: "Give Thanks to God"

2011-11-21T15:31:00.000-05:00

Yesterday in preparation for thanksgiving, our Pastor preached on 1st Thessalonians 5:18, "In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." It was an excellent message, and I thought it might be encouraging to share his outline with you.

What should we give thanks to God for?

1. Temporal Mercies- Our life, breath, and all things. Health and strength, food, clothing and shelter. "Every good and perfect gift comes from above."

2. Spiritual Mercies- The gospel and the ministry of it, the ordinances of baptism and communion, faithful gospel ministers, electing grace, redeeming grace, adopting grace, and regenerating grace. To incite thankfulness for grace, think of 1) how unworthy we are as recipients of it, and 2)the access and relationship to God it gives!

3. His indescribable gift, Jesus Christ!!!

4. The Spirit of God- our Helper, Comforter, the Guarantee of our inheritance who indwells us and leads us into all the truth.

5. In Everything!! Every state, circumstance, and condition. Remember that our times are in God's Hands. Even in a furnace of affliction, God's grace will sustain you!

I was quite struck when he opened the message by describing the sin of discontent as "hellish, rebellious and blasphemous." I do not take complaining as seriously as I ought to! Oh, that we would see discontent with the same eyes as God does- to Him it is highly offensive.

There is so much to be thankful for. Those who belong to the living God are truly a blessed people!

Observations from the Trenches of Failure

2011-11-17T13:52:00.000-05:00

The trench of failure in which I am writing from is TIME WASTING. As with all sin, the truth about time wasting is that it seems sweet in the moment, becomes addictive (until a little wasted time spirals into a lot of wasted time), and always ends bitterly. At the end of a wasted hour, or afternoon, or day, I feel guilty and unsatisfied. As we covered yesterday, this is because I will only feel fulfilled as I live a life productive in honoring the Lord.

So what is to be done? I am tired of this vicious cycle, and I want to get out of it. Here are a few things I've observed:

1. Starting the day right makes a difference. If the first thing I run to in the morning is my Bible, and not the internet, a big battle has already been won. If I start the day with entertainment, I'll increase my appetite for more, and the downward spiral begins again. But if I put first things first, then I am encouraged in my desires to be productive and redeem the time. If I am renewing my mind first thing in the Word, then I am setting it with Christ where it ought to be.

2. I need to plan how I am going to avoid time wasting. For example, I know that when I sit down to feed S, if I pick up the iPod, a little internet or a little video will turn into a lot of internet and maybe a movie. Not where I need to go! To avoid this, I will leave the iPod far away from the couch where I won't be able to reach it when I'm attached to the pump :). Next to me on the couch will be my Bible, Scripture memory cards, and a few carefully selected books I am reading. Wow, there you have it- another huge battle won! Instead of spending an hour frivolously on entertainment, it's been spent on renewing my mind and being productive.

3. Ending the day right also makes a big difference. If I end the day with a clean kitchen, when I walk into it in the morning I feel refreshed and ready to seek the Lord. If I walk into a dirty one, I am instantly discouraged, think "What's the point anyway?" and schlump over to the couch iPod in hand to escape my overwhelming abyss. Dramatic, I know, but when you are sleep deprived, isn't that how oppressive messes feel???

4. And finally, contrary to wasting time, spending your time wisely (as with any righteous thing) does pay off and brings joy. At the end of the day I may feel tired, but my kitchen is clean, I've read and studied good things instead of filling my mind with the world, and I can rest satisfied. Making wise decisions, like starting and ending your day right, can start a positive cycle of good decisions. And that is where I want to be!

Failures and Frustrations

2011-11-16T17:49:00.000-05:00

Isn't it funny how the night you decide you are going to get up early and get onto the treadmill, your daughter decides to stay awake until 4 am (close to the time you had planned on getting up) with fussing and grunting and squirming, demanding you to forfeit your necessary night's rest? Yes, this is what happened to me last night, how did you guess? My personal example aside, you get the picture- whenever we make plans, obstacles just seem to jump out and throw us for a loop.

And this isn't me being a wimp. I have no doubt in my mind that after staying up with S all night, the right thing to do at 4 am when she finally fell asleep was to crawl into my bed. But how frustrating it is to have circumstances outside of my control keeping me from my goals!

Then there are the obstacles I can control, but haven't been. I love wasting time on the internet and other forms of entertainment. Lately I have been indulging myself from the first baby feeding of the day right on to the last. My little iPod makes it so convenient to browse the web, collect swagbucks, watch videos and facebook stalk people I haven't spoken with in years.

My recent lack of productivity has me feeling sluggish and depressed. For our Sunday School class at church we have been reading Dr. Wayne and Joshua Mack's book God's Solutions to Life's Problems. It is an excellent work, by the way, and well worth your time. In chapter 6, the Mack's address the crux of my issue. "My Father works. Because we are made in the image of God, we will find contentment and satisfaction only as we have a productive life.The greatest satisfaction comes out of having a life that is productive in honoring and glorifying God." Huh. No wonder frittering my days away on the iPod hasn't been very fulfilling or satisfying.

Okay, here is where I'm at. In this stage of life (let's call it newborn stage), I am required to spend a lot of time on the couch feeding S and pumping more food for her. This is not a waste of time, it is fulfilling the job that the Lord has called me to, and I can glorify Him by being faithful in it. It also means though that sometimes her schedule will prevent me from carrying out my own designs on how I believe I can be most productive (E.g- treadmill). That is life, and I can choose to joyfully accept that and work around it, or I can throw my hands up in the air and give up on all goal-making.

But on that couch I do have control over some things. Am I going to aimlessly play on the iPod, or spend time say, reading some good books? Will I place the priority on scripture reading, memory and prayer first thing in the morning, or will I succumb to what is easiest? This is my greatest battle: the battle between living to gratify my flesh and living to glorify God.

Pray for me if you think of it. I am losing the battle lately.

Tomorrow: Observations From the Trenches of Failure. I am writing it here so that I actually follow through!!!

Exciting News!!!

2011-11-10T13:48:00.000-05:00

It has been a majorly exciting week in our home. Baby S achieved one giant milestone when the doctor said she could come off of the oxygen Tuesday evening!!! It has been glorious- kissing sweet baby cheeks with no tape on them for the first time ever. Seeing her whole face, just her face, with nothing on it. We've waited nearly four months for this, and it was well worth every moment.

Even better, my mom came from across the country on Wednesday to meet S for the first time. What a wonderful surprise for Grandma when the baby with nothing on her face was handed to her :). Precious moments.

So far S is doing great without the O2. She had been pulling that cannula out of her nose since she was about a week old, so I think she is happy to have one less annoyance in her life :). We are just praying for a healthy winter so she doesn't have to get back on it!

Updates: Surprising my husband went well! I did get to vacuum the whole house (a process that should be much easier from now on, since I can wear S without lugging an oxygen tank around too), and two shirts were ironed. It's a start. Niall appreciated my efforts.

November's goals are a struggle. As you can see I've been averaging about two posts a week instead of three. Walking and praying happen maybe twice a week. I am following 21 days to a more disciplined life on Crystal's blog at moneysavingmom. Let's face it, I need all the help I can get :/.

Here's to a good week of thanking God for our many blessings!! Woohoo, my baby is home free!!! :D

When God Hands You Plan B

2011-11-07T12:11:00.000-05:00

"The heart of a man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9

Early on in my two and a half weeks of hospitalized bed rest, my mom gave me a little notebook. On the cover it said, "Life is all about how you handle Plan B." Inside of it she wrote, "Dear Sweet Daughter, whether it's Plan B, C, D or Z it's ALWAYS God's Plan A that comes to pass." What a good reminder it was for me!

I never in a million years thought I would go into pre-term labor. I remember seeing "Know the Warning Signs of Pre-Term Labor" on a screen in my OB's office, and instantly dismissing it. "Won't be needing that," I presumed smugly. My mom had had 4 perfectly normal full-term pregnancies. I was young and in good health. It was my firm belief that I'd have to fight off the doctors from inducing me once I went beyond 40 weeks. Everyone goes late on their first, right? Ha ha. Not so.

On the fateful day that my mucus plug fell out, at only 24 weeks, things went from bad to worse. I went to the hospital and was initially told by a nurse that I'd be home in a few hours. Then after an internal ultrasound revealed a non-existent cervix the doctor said I'd be staying indefinitely, depending on what my body did. Two hours later the same doctor did a speculative exam and informed me that I was 3 cm dilated and my membranes were bulging. Eww. Translation: he could see my water sac dangling down, and it was in serious danger of breaking. Guess who wasn't going to be getting out of bed anytime soon? No more toilets, no more showers. Funny how the little things we take for granted become such a big deal when they're no longer available.

My "plans" just kept on changing. That night I started contracting, until they were only two minutes apart. I pleaded with the Lord on behalf of our daughter, barely on the brink of viability. "Lord, have mercy!" He gave me great peace, but it was a battle. The only thing that stopped my entire body from shaking was quoting scripture out loud. Then mercifully labor stopped around 2 am the following morning. And for two weeks my body cooperated. I planned on being on bed rest forever. I thought I would make it to at least 36 weeks. Ultimately I knew that God was in control and He would bring our baby when He deemed best, but I was hoping to keep her in as long as possible.

Then the contractions returned, and after three days of battling them with every drug in the book, my water broke. At the doctor's check I was 4 or 5 cm, and there was nothing more that could be done. She was coming. My Plan A had been to deliver as naturally as possible. Then my placenta started to tear and I was rushed for an emergency c-section. My introduction to breastfeeding was via a pump. My daughter spent her first two months of life in the NICU. I hoped and prayed that she would come home without oxygen, yet the Lord chose otherwise.

None of these events were my plans. I would not have chosen or asked for any of them. So how would I respond? Let me tell you, there were days in which I completely succumbed to my feelings of anxiety, disappointment, and self-pity. But God in His mercy graciously would bring me back to Himself, reminding me that His thoughts were not my thoughts, and His plans were not my plans. No, His are infinitely better! Even when we cannot see that. Thank God that He works all things according to the counsel of His will. Throughout our ordeal I was reminded time and time again that God has a purpose in EVERYTHING He brings me through. I was able to have joy despite the uncertainties and agonies of having a tiny little baby in the NICU. God does everything for our good and His glory. In moments like these this truth becomes less of a cliche and more of a solid reality.

Life is going to be full of Plan B's. Will we turn inward, becoming bitter and disillusioned, or will we look to the Lord and choose joy? "It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes" (Ps. 119:71). "This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life" (Ps. 119:50). "And we know that all things work together for good, to them that love the Lord and are the called according to his purpose" (Rom. 8:28).

God is faithful. After the most eventful months of my life so far, I can testify to it. He has been good. Praise His holy name!

Today's Special Purpose: Surprising my husband!

2011-11-03T10:59:00.000-04:00

It is a beautiful sunny day today in northeastern Pennsylvania. And I have been inspired :).

My husband is at work all day, as usual, but he is going on a special guys night out this evening as well. It got me thinking, what if when he came home our house was actually really clean for the first time since baby? Or if I had actually ironed all of his shirts (also hasn't happened since bed rest, hehe)? If his desk was tidied and the nursery actually organized?

As probably happens to most mother's of newborns, my home has been fairly neglected lately. Usually the day is so full of feeding S and pumping milk in between feeds and trying to catch up on the sleep I'm not getting at night, that I feel great if just the dishes get done. And with the extra snippets of time I will confess I am usually reading or trying to rest or relax.

Well, today will be different, Lord willing. Today I am going to push extra hard to accomplish as many noticeable things as I possibly can- things that I know Niall will appreciate! Now I realize that S is going to have demands and needs, and those will be my first priority. And I also realize that sometimes your baby can throw you a curveball that consumes your entire afternoon. But by God's grace I am going to work as hard as I can, for just this one day! And tomorrow I can catch up on rest in a clean house :). Hopefully.

My plan of action: Tackle the vacuuming and ironing, as these will have the biggest impact. Anything that gets done on top of that is sheer bonus. I am trying to be realistic here :). I'll let you know how it goes!

What special thing will you do to bless your husband today?

Goals for November

2011-11-01T13:22:00.000-04:00

Inspired by the idea of the 3 in 30 challenge, I've decided to try to focus on three goals every month (though I haven't officially joined). For the month of November they are as follows:

1. Walk- I haven't been exercising consistently since the day I was put on bed rest with baby S. Previously I was doing yoga and pilates videos, which I do love. However it seems like walking, especially since we have a treadmill, might be a good new pursuit. It is good for my heart, and my whole body! So treadmill here we come! The goal: 30 minutes a day, 6 days a week.

2. Pray- This is the spiritual discipline I lack in the most. I've tried different methods and approaches at various times, managing to keep consistency for a few days or even weeks, but somehow I always drop off eventually. Prayer is far too important for such negligence!The exciting thing is that this is something I can do while I'm walking :). I hope to combine these two goals for greater effectiveness!

3. Blog- As you can see, I've started to blog on this blog and dropped off several times. Yet for discipline's sake I would like to write on it at least three times a week. That is my goal anyway!

SO here we go. Baby steps. Hopefully by biting off only 3 goals a month, I will not be taking more than I can chew. And hopefully little by little, month by month, by God's grace, I will be able to eat the elephant that is the woman I ought to be.

Book Review: The Scent of Water, By Naomi Zacharias

2011-10-29T12:31:00.000-04:00

I just recently finished Naomi Zacharias' book The Scent of Water. Wow! It was unlike anything I normally read, it was beautiful and truly refreshing. Naomi works for Wellspring Internartional, part of her father Ravi Zacharias' ministry. Wellspring is an organization that helps women and children at risk. In her work Naomi has helped victims of red light districts and tsunamis, from South Africa to India to Amsterdam.

This woman has such a gift for words, her style is eloquent yet down to earth. Hearing the stories of women and children she has worked with opened my eyes to needs around the world that it is easy to remain blind to. Her own story has been marked with pain and suffering, as she walks through it with the reader she shows the hope that sufferers have in Christ, that there is purpose in pain, and as the subtitle states, "grace for every kind of broken."

My own prejudices against certain types of people were challenged. It is too easy to don the robes of self-righteousness and set myself up as a judge of others. Hearing her story and the stories of the people she has worked with humbled me, causing me to own up to my own sin in this area and reexamine how I view others.

Read The Scent of Water, come to see that there is always hope, and that God uses pain in our lives to accomplish beautiful purposes.

She's Home!

2011-10-25T14:10:00.000-04:00

Fast forward three months, and our life has changed dramatically again.

Our sweet daughter S has been home for just about a month and a half. After exactly two months in the NICU, with no out of the ordinary complications, we feel so blessed just to have her here with us. S came home on oxygen and an apnea monitor, but we are hoping she will be truly "wireless" within a few months :).

Adjusting to full-time parenthood is going well. We are exhausted, but what parent of a newborn isn't? In some ways I feel like I have finally "arrived," all I have ever wanted to do was to be a stay-at-home mom. I don't think it's hit me yet that I am really done working. I still feel like things are going to change again, this doesn't feel permanent yet.

We have so much to thank the Lord for. As I've been reading tons of books and blogs on preemies, I am finding out just all the possible things that could have gone wrong in little S's body...and yet in His Divine Providence didn't. Thank you Lord! She is absolutely beautiful, we are truly fearfully and wonderfully made.

Catching up

2011-07-28T09:02:00.000-04:00

So it's been four months since my last post. And a wild four months it has been! When I started this blog I was in the first trimester of my pregnancy. Surprise! My due date was October 11th. Bigger surprise: I went into preterm labor at 24 weeks, was admitted to the hospital on strict bed rest, and delivered a baby girl by emergency c-section at 27 weeks on July 13th. Nowadays I am living at the NICU of our local hospital trying to help care for our micro preemie. Not what I had planned or could have foreseen, but the Lord ordained it, and by His grace our daughter is doing extremely well. Now that I am doing a lot of sitting around these days (pumping breast milk to feed her), I thought maybe I have time to blog again. So we'll see how it goes. Your prayers for our little girl are appreciated!

Holding our little miracle, 4 days old

Motivate Yourself!

2011-03-05T21:16:00.000-05:00

This week has been one of struggling. It partially had to do with the fact that we had scheduled events on two weeknights, something we try to avoid as a rule (in order to protect our time, marriage and other responsibilities). I also spent over 46 hours working outside of the home. At any rate, it was a week of falling behind, and this weekend I had to catch myself up.

Despite our best intentions, we all have weaker moments and times of failure when it comes to our domestic duties. When I'm struggling to keep up, here are some of the ways I motivate myself.

1. Take 15 minutes to sit down and read something motivational. This usually includes a small snack or a cup of tea as well. Half of the benefit is taking a 15 minute breather, it helps to propel you on. I'll read something like a chapter of Elizabeth George on the home or wifely duties (she is always good when I need a positive kick in the pants), or websites like Fly Lady. Although I don't think her acrostic is very good or biblical, I find that reading about cleaning your home and transforming your habits can be very helpful. After those 15 minutes I feel ready to seriously take control and go defeat the evils of dirty dishes and dust bunnies in my home.

2. Multi-task. While I'm cooking a meal or washing the dishes, I have found that rehearsing my scripture memory passages is an excellent way to redeem the time. It fills your mind with something encouraging and true, and fills the empty moments (waiting for a pancake to fry, etc). The task goes faster and my mind is renewed by the end of it. While I iron I talk on the phone or watch a movie. It makes the task less dull and more enjoyable. There are lots of ways to multi-task!

3. Set a timer. This is another tip I picked up from E.G. When I'm super tired at the end of the day. I set the timer for 15 minutes, or however long I think I can manage, and just plug away at my task. When the timer goes off, I am done. Sometimes it works in my favor though and makes me want to finish the task even if my time is up!

These are just a couple of the ways in which I pick myself up by the boot strings, so to speak. What motivators help you to persevere?

Small Steps Towards a Healthier Diet

2011-02-23T16:25:00.000-05:00

One of the goals that my husband and I had for 2010 was to eat healthier. The responsibility of meeting that goal mainly fell to me, and why not? I am the meal planner, grocery shopper, and chef. For Christmas of 2009, my lovely sister-in-law gave me a copy of Patrick Holford's The Optimum Nutrition Bible. Another one of my goals for 2010 was to read it cover-to-cover, and somehow, I managed it! At first I was really discouraged. "The only way for us to have an optimum diet is to spend a fortune on only organic food and miraculous supplements," I fretted. As I went on, however, I did become encouraged to make some baby step changes that will benefit us now and in the years to come. We still have lots of little changes we could make, and hope to progress further in 2011, but here's where we've started:

1. I make all my own bread, in my handy-dandy Breadman bread-maker, which I purchased for $15 second-hand. I can use whole-grains, and know all of the ingredients. No nasty preservatives, and it tastes much better! I haven't purchased a loaf of bread in over a year.

2. We eat lots of whole grains other than wheat. I make lots of brown rice and quinoa for side dishes and casseroles. The other side of this is that we've been trying to limit our wheat intake, as according to Mr. Holford your body really shouldn't have it more than 3-4 times per week. We have a long way to go on that kind of reduction, but we're getting there.

3. I put a baby spinach salad in Niall's lunch each day. Every morning when I make Niall's lunch, I stick a small salad of baby spinach, red bell pepper, and carrots (sometimes broccoli or cucumber to mix things up). This helps to keep him regular :). All in all, it doesn't cost more than $3-$4 each week. Well worth the cost and time involved to give him an extra dose of veggies!

4. We eat lots of organic oatmeal for breakfast. Each week I go to Wegman's organic bulk section and buy a couple of scoops of oats. They are super cheap! I soak a cup of them overnight in 3 cups of water, and we cook it on low for an hour or so each morning as we get ready for work. This makes for a creamy and nice porridge.

5. We also eat organic yogurt loaded with pro-biotics and frozen berries for breakfast. Because we are pretty early-risers, a lot of times Niall and I eat two small breakfasts spread through the morning before we head out the door. A delicious favorite of ours is to nuke a small handful of frozen mixed berries for 30 seconds, and then add three big spoonfuls of Wegman's organic yogurt to it. Delicious! And super healthy!

6. We've started taking a simple multi-vitamin. One of my favorite motto's is "something is better than nothing." I cannot tell you how motivational that is in so many different circumstances! Although we can't afford to go crazy taking top-of-the-line supplements, we can invest $10 or so a month on a simple, natural multi-vitamin. We may not be getting everything we need, but we're getting more than we were when we didn't take any vitamins. And something, my friend, is better than nothing.

7. I buy more fish and less red meat. I love steak, ground beef, and bacon. Any kind of meat really! But fish is tasty too, and of great nutritional benefit. Although I'll purchase beef or pork once or twice a month, we try to have fish at least once a week, even if it is out of a can.

8. I've been finding tasty meat subsitutes. My husband LOVES his meat, and feels a great sense of disappointment when the dinner is served up without it. But I have managed to find some meatless meals that satisfy! I make a barley bake that has a rich, nutty flavor, which makes us miss the meat less. Also found a great recipe for lentil tacos. Who knew it was possible, but they are almost as good as ground beef ones! I also like to use a lot of eggplant in dishes during farmer's market season. It's another nutritious substitute with a comparable texture.

These are my best suggestions so far. How about you? What are some of the little things you do to serve up a healthier diet?

The Delights of Dreaded Domestic Duties

2011-02-14T20:47:00.000-05:00

One of the things that the Lord changed my heart about (when going through the previously mentioned study with my pastor's wife) was my attitude towards certain hated chores. Namely, ironing and dishes.

Do any of you hate doing the dishes??? Because I sure did! How about ironing? It can be very time-consuming, and not so delightful at the end of a long work day.

Graciously, the Lord has slowly changed my heart towards those things. Elizabeth George, and Janet (my pastor's wife), helped me to realize two things. 1)Washing the dishes and ironing Niall's shirts is being obedient to the Lord by fulfilling the role He has given to me. 2) By faithfully performing these acts I am serving and showing love to Niall.

Realizing those two things has completely changed my attitude! There is joy in knowing that you are obeying God and blessing your husband. I wonder sometimes how I can serve God and how I can best please Him, and this is such a simple and truly easy way if you really think about it. And when I go to my sink, piled high with the day's dishes, and think about honoring God and my husband, it makes me happy. And that joy carries me quickly and painlessly through the task at hand.

May the Lord grant you joy in the duties you dread to carry you through!

A Purpose Statement

2011-02-10T20:12:00.000-05:00

It seems appropriate to begin a blog by stating a purpose for it. Hmm.

My name is Rachel and I am blessed to be the wife of Niall O'Neill. We have been married for 2 1/2 years and what a joy it has been :).

I love being a wife, and I love my home. Right now we have no children and it is necessary for me to work full-time, but I eagerly anticipate the day when I can leave the working world and retire to my home to raise our children in the fear and admonition of the Lord.

Because I work full-time, I have found it to be a struggle to pay the kind of attention to my home which I feel it needs and deserves. Praise God for my pastor's wife! After Niall and I had just celebrated our first full year of marriage, she invited me to do a study with her on Elizabeth George's book, A Woman After God's Own Heart. God graciously impressed upon my heart my need to strive diligently at making my home and husband first priority! Despite work, and exhaustion, and a busy modern schedule. For the last year and a half I have been laboring to make changes, becoming more faithful in my domestic duties and learning to delight in them. And my husband has noticed the difference :).

My purpose for this blog is to record the things I'm learning spiritually, and practically, as a wife and homemaker. This will help my own frail memory, and hopefully as an added bonus encourage other women who are seeking the same priorities of God first, husband second, and home third.

Happy homemaking!